My almost 9 year old refused to learn how to tie his shoes (so we buy shoes that don’t require a tie of laces). Ok, whatever, not a big deal in the scheme of things. However, he also refused to memorize my phone number, his father’s phone number, and his address. I’ve tried all sorts of methods and nothing. He won’t even attempt. So opposite of his older sibling. Any suggestions?

Is it just me or is this the hardest shit ever? We’ve got 4 kids all under the age of 8 and we are getting our asses kicked. My wife and I really wanted a family and we planned for it. We took parenting classes together, we read all the books in preparation before starting our family…still, nothing could have prepared us for how mentally and emotionally exhausting it is to keep up with our boys.

How are you all surviving?

My daughter (eleven years old) informed me, and her dad, yesterday that she wants to get a full sleeve tattoo of scientifically correct dinosaurs. But only after she is 20 years old, and after her grandparents have passed away. Because "Grandma and grandpa hate tattoos, and I don't want to deal with all that."

Apparently she's been thinking about this in detail for some time now, and has it all planned out even the the specific species of dinosaurs and their positions on her arm.

Anybody else's kid said some wild things out of nowhere recently?

Maybe it's just me but, Ive been single since my oldest was less than a year old. As such, I have slept with one or both of my kids for going on 12 years. I don't like to sleep alone and they don't either so we've always slept together. It's convenient too because I have a two bedroom apartment but only one air conditioner for upstairs so we all are comfortable in the summer!

My youngest sleeps on a full size mattress with me and my oldest has a twin like a foot away with a table between us. We have the tv on my oldests side and the fan and air conditioner and all the plushies on our side.

When school started I asked my oldest if she wanted her room to herself and she said no. My youngest will probably sleep with me as long as I let her 🤣

They both have normal social lives and have sleepovers here and other places, and are capable of sleeping on their own, but we prefer to sleep together.

Anyone else?

I've been thinking for a long time now that most of the difficulties we encounter as parents derive from the simple fact that our society is not really optimized for parenthood and family life.

What was once a collective enterprise (and by "once," I mean for the majority of human history) to raise children is now done in an unnatural, individualistic environment. It suffocates us with thoroughly unhealthy expectations: be married forever, be happy forever, raise kids against all odds and adversities, make them "become someone important," and so on.

Kids used to have their grandmothers, uncles, aunts, and peers around them. Now, it's just us parents and them, existing in constant tension and frustration.

Literally any other generation of parents would laugh and be shocked if they knew the amount of shit we worry about and carry on our shoulders on a day-to-day basis.

Modern society is a hoax; don't be so harsh on yourself.

My husband thinks year books are a waste of money.
My JH kiddos year book is $76 with tax.
Elementary age kiddos is $38 with tax.

I buy each a year book yearly. Next year my kiddos will all be in the same school. So yes I will buy 2.
I think it’s fun to have!
I have every year book 2nd-12th and 3 yrs of votech.
My husband has 2 elementary books and 12th grade.

Thoughts?

Edit: I did pay the $12 to have oldest name put on it. If she would take it to school (to be signed) I didn’t want it to grow legs and disappear. That is part of the $76

If your elementary age child came home on a Friday with a poor behavior report from their teacher for not one but multiple rules broken, would you allow them to spend the weekend as scheduled, attending play dates and a bday party? Or would you say sorry you’ve lost those privileges this weekend? For me it’d be the latter. Otherwise how will they learn, if there are no consequences for their behavior. Especially at school where the teachers need parents support in creating a positive learning environment.

My daughter is 8, and recently she has started saying things that are completely untrue, but she tells them in a very detailed and convincing way. The latest example is that she told both my ex and my grandmother that I have a girlfriend who has two kids, that we all went to the movies together over the weekend, and that I’m moving in with this woman next month.

None of that is true. I do not have a girlfriend, I haven’t dated anyone in about six years, and there is nobody I’m planning to move in with. My daughter and I did go to the movies on Saturday, but it was just the two of us.
What is throwing everyone off is how specific and confident she was when she told the story. My ex and grandmother both said it sounded completely believable because of the amount of detail she gave.

This also isn’t the first time recently where she has said something that didn’t line up with reality, so I’m starting to wonder what is going on. I don’t want to overreact or immediately label her as a liar, but I also don’t want this to become a regular behavior that we ignore. I’m especially curious if other parents have dealt with kids this age mixing real events with completely made-up details. Is this fairly normal at 8? Could it be attention seeking, imagination, misunderstanding something she heard, or something else?

Also, how would you approach asking her about it without turning it into an interrogation or making her feel like she has to double down on the story? I’m not looking to punish her over this. I mainly want to understand where these stories are coming from and how to respond appropriately whether she needs mental health help or something else entirely.

I’m becoming increasingly concerned about how AI will affect my children’s education, especially when it comes to critical thinking.

Even if they don’t use it at home, I have almost no control over what happens at school or when they’re with friends. AI is already easily accessible through phones, and it’s getting to the point where it can do far more than just answer questions. Models like the new Astra/GPT-6 can actually interact with software and perform tasks for you.

If a child can ask AI to solve a problem, write an essay, research something, or even operate the software needed to complete an assignment, how much of the actual thinking are they doing themselves?

It also makes me wonder about the bigger philosophical question: what happens to us when we increasingly outsource not just physical work, but thinking itself? If we grow up never needing to struggle through problems, make mistakes or figure things out on our own, what does that do to our ability to reason and think critically?

I’m not anti-AI at all. I just find the implications for the next generation genuinely fascinating and a little worrying.

How are you navigating this problem?

We have a 4 month old boy, our first baby. My husband works from home, I’m with the baby all day. He does once in awhile take him and hold him to let me use the bathroom etc. while he’s working which I do appreciate. He has also been doing a full gut job bathroom renovation in our house so the majority of the weekend I’m with the baby as well.

I feel like he puts on almost this…. Naive positivity about this stage of parenthood and it’s a little annoying. It’s like every time I try to vent or discuss how exhausted or burnt out I am he just doesn’t want to hear it, he’ll ignore me or change the subject. He acts like really over the top positive when he’s around the baby. Including not listening to me when I tell him that he needs to go to sleep, instead he’ll sing and talk to him (Sometimes). Or I feel like if he senses I’m not in a great mood he’ll say something like “I’m so glad we had him!” In a really upbeat voice. Like I’m not allowed to feel overwhelmed.

I’ve told him that I only want to have two kids total, and he’s talked about how he wants three at least. He’ll go on these rants about how family is the most important thing and he doesn’t want to regret not having enough kids. Or he’ll say “if the next one is also a boy, we pretty much have to have a third to try for a girl…” I don’t want three kids. If we have two boys I am fine with stopping. One has been difficult on me, hard on my body, everything. We also waited until our 30s to start a family so we aren’t spring chickens anymore. I feel like he doesn’t understand because he’s not the one doing the primary caregiving. I am the one doing the middle of the night wake ups, not him. He also tries to sleep in on the weekends and I have to ask him to get up to take the baby for a couple hours so I can sleep a bit longer. He does do it without complaint, but I can tell he wants to sleep in and never offers.

I have another mom friend who has two under two and we discuss the challenges of motherhood. Of course we love our kids but there’s no doubt babies are extremely draining and difficult. She used to want like 4 or 5 kids but she’s now thinking she may stop at 2. We were all hanging out one day and discussing kids and family and he was saying he wants a big family with at least three kids. She was telling him that it’s really about whatever the mom’s capacity is and if I don’t think I can handle three then we shouldn’t. He was like “I love being (the baby’s) dad, it’s the best thing I’ve done,” etc. As if this is reason enough to have multiple kids. It was just kind of cringey and out of touch. I do know that he would stop at 2 if that’s what I really wanted, so it’s not like he would force me into having a third or anything. It’s just kind of annoying that he doesn’t understand WHY I only want two.

I’m just getting kind of irritated, I feel like he’s in his own world.

I am a 22 years old teacher.

My mother recently died and left me my little brother (11) to care for as his guardian. Me and him had a pretty solid relationship before. We watched movies, played video games, and talked when available. But at the end I wasn't his guardian so I didn't feel obligated to parent him in any type of way. Now, we have the opposite characters, he is really energetic and I am really really calm and like my silent time. Now to fill this gap I signed him to swimming classes and he asked for art classes as well as private tutoring for his second and third language. He has no male role models so I chose his coaches and teachers to be respectable men.

Anyway, I find that I can't mentally or physically always play or talk to him constantly. He is the kind of cute kid that talks 24/7 and needs constant attention and stimulation. I try not to make him notice how I am truly struggling with keeping up but at the end he does notice.

My mom was the kind of parent that always listens and plays with him since she wasnt able to provide for his practice or art classes and I am the opposite and that is why I decided to enroll him in those.

He started to complain about how I don't always play with him after work ( I am a teacher) and that he wishes I was a boy or man. Not going to lie, that hurt a lot since I am really trying to keep up with him.

How do I deal with this type of situation? It is already hard for me and what he said made me feel more and more guilty.

I am feeling concerned, but this may be an unfounded concern bcs it has only been 1 day.
But, my daughter was outside with the neighbor girls all day today. She said they were deciding the whole time, only taking breaks when they came in the house. (I don’t know their ages but one of the girls is in the same grade as my daughter (2nd) and the other is a 5th grader). My daughter turns 8 at the end of October.
One 7 pm came I told my daughter she had to come inside. Right away she wanted to walk on the treadmill. She walked for 10 minutes then I asked her to take a shower since she was outside all day and also sweaty. After her bath she wanted to walk on the treadmill again. After that she put on a YouTube exercise video she was working out to. She then asked me to call her father and ask him if he could get her Chipotle. My son likes to eat Chipotle burritos and my husband encouraged it saying it is healthy with all the veggies plus protein. My daughter has never asked for Chipotle before today. But it is healthy so now she wanted it
My daughter also asked me to wake her up early so she could do stretching. (I did not agree to do that as I would rather her get proper sleep).
I asked her why she is suddenly so focused on health and she shrugged. I told her it’s good to do healthy things but you should start off slowly, otherwise you can hurt your body. She then again asked if I could wake her up early to do stretching.
I tried talking to my husband about this and he didn’t see what the concern was. Exercise is good for you. Healthy eating is good for you. So why be worried? But my husband also mentioned things I did not know about today. Apparently he had asked our daughter earlier today to do a little running. After that he offered her $1 if she could walk for an hour. (That may have been at the time he was playing soccer with our son. I am not sure). Either way, I am a bit uneasy about offering money to recuse, for a whole hour (seems like a lot to be asking).
But it gets a wee bit worse, this one definitely bothers me. Our daughter has been sleeping in her bed the past few days, ever since I deep cleaned the kids’ bedroom and made it look nice. Her teddy bears were all washed, all the bedding and pillows, walks and floors and toys, etc….all fresh and nice.
So, tonight my husband asked her to sleep in bed with us tonight bcs he wanted to cuddle her. He said something along the lines of, ‘I want to cuddle with you since you are trying to be healthy now.’ My daughter declined and said “Maybe tomorrow; I really want to sleep in my bed tonight.”

I’m just feeling a bit worried. Seems excessive and too much for a kid who is not quite 8 yrs old yet. And I don’t like the msg my husband is indirectly teaching our daughter.

I have two kids (4yo and 6yo) and every year I do this same dance with school shoes and might be lowkey starting to dread it now.

Buy now and chances are my 6yo scuffs them into oblivion or grows out of them by November and then I'm buying twice anyway. On the other hand, I am really not up for the week before school buy rush I swore I wouldn't do again. Is there a science to the timing of this? Any more seasoned parents who got the cheat code especially when buying for multiple kids? Not sure holding on for a maybe deal is even worth it anymore.

My daughter, 16, walks through another neighborhood on her way to school, and sometimes says hello to some girls who are about 7 and 9. Apparently figured out she lived and stopped by today. They were selling grapes for a couple bucks a piece -- whatever -- they were nice kids and I think a lot of kids at that age have had some silly business ideas that neighbors played along with once. (I bought five grapes.) They asked if my daughter could played and I told them they could talk to her for a few minutes in the porch, but we were just about to eat. I figured that was that.

They stopped by later, probably figuring she was done with lunch, again asking if she could play. They seemed a little odd and had some rather off-beat ideas on what would be fun to play, like "maybe your cat would like to meet our dogs." Nice kids, but obviously my high school daughter is busy, and I don't generally think that teens hanging out with younger kids is a good idea. I do not know the parents at all.

If they come by again, should I give them the polite brush-off (now is not a good time), or should I be a little more direct (but still polite)? My daughter wants to be polite, but has kids her age to hang out with!

Where to start- my husband and l have four and six year old boys and every day feels like a battlefield and l can’t stand it.

My husband and l have always been very calm peaceful people. We have been together 14 years, have warm relationships with our parents and friends, have stable jobs, and very rarely argue. I would describe us as very empathic, deeply thinking people who spend a lot of time ruminating about ethics, kindness, joy, peace, and meaning. We’re very into spending time enjoying nature, cooking good food from scratch, reading novels, having friends over for gatherings, going on adventures and roadtrips. Before we had kids, any day the sun was shining was usually a good one

Now? Our children are… wild. So wild. Alone, they are clever, charming, funny, loveable boys. As a family unit? They are constantly squabbling, pushing, howling, wrestling, whining, arguing, screeching. l thought we’d have kids, not howler monkeys! The house is SO LOUD, from 6 AM to 7 PM. I would say that someone is being reprimanded, on a bad day, every twenty minutes. I hate it.

l feel like our parenting is… fine. We hold boundaries, have timeouts and loss of privileges for unacceptable behavior. Our kids can politely eat in restaurants, fly on airplanes, and get rave reviews at school. It’s more that my emotional health (and my husband’s) feels under assault at home. l can’t seem to move past a tantrum at the pace they can and these (normal, probably) arguments and brother battles leave me so drained and sad.

l feel too much- how can l bounce back to my normal happy peaceful self faster?? I really can’t practice yoga with hotwheels cars flying through the air but l don’t want to remember these years as just volatile and difficult.

Sometimes I need a break, so I turn on our robot vacuum, we named it Hank, and let it clean the living room. My son follows Hank around like it’s his new best friend.

It takes care of the floors and keeps my son busy, so I get a few minutes to myself. It’s a win-win haha.

I know my son will try to ride it or throw toys at it one day, but for now, I’m happy to have Hank around. We even cheer when he makes it back to the dock.

Currently 26 weeks pregnant with third. Have fresh 2 year old and almost 4 year old.

I’m exhausted, uncomfortable, and so mentally drained from my almost 4yo. Someone please lie to me and tell me it’s easier to do this with a newborn vs when pregnant and exhausted.

Thanks.

We’ve all seen adults who act like they're the main character everywhere they go. The person blasting videos on speaker in a waiting room, cutting lines like their time is more valuable than everyone else's, or letting their kid treat a sit-down restaurant like a jungle gym while they ignore it.

​Where does that even come from? Honestly, I think it starts at home with good intentions gone wrong.

​For years, the go-to advice has been to constantly tell our kids, "You are special." And as a parent, I get it.

To us, they are special. They are the most important thing on the planet. But what we mean as love often gets heard as: "The world revolves around you."

​Then those kids grow up and expect total strangers to treat them like their parents did.

​There's a big difference between being unique and being "special":.

​Being unique just means you have your own personality, quirks, and things you're good at. You're an individual.

​Being special makes people think they get a pass to skip the line, make a mess, or ignore basic manners.

​Inside our four walls, I will love my kids unconditionally and make sure they feel completely valued. But the second we walk out the front door, they need to know they are just one person among billions. Nobody out there owes them extra patience, a free pass, or special treatment just for existing. They have to wait their turn, pick up after themselves, and show respect to the people around them.

​I want my kids to be grounded and aware that other people matter just as much as they do.

We have just had neighborhood kids over our house without parents. For friends outside the neighborhood, we mostly meet at the park or friends' parents stay with the kids at our house.

The kids we've had without their adults have generally been really misbehaved. We had a new family move to our neighborhood this summer. My daughter, 8, has befriended her and we finally had her come over alone.

This girl went into my bedroom without my daughter even with her (it's usually a rule that kids' friends don't go into our bedroom at all). She was really bothering our cats after I nicely told her to stop, and she refused to go home after both my husband and I said "it's time to go home."

The crazy part is, this is not the first time this has happened. We used to have another pair of neighborhood siblings come over, but we had to stop because they were also really misbehaved.

I am just wondering what is going on.. nothing like this ever would have happened when I was a kid, and a REALLY hope my own kids don't act this way at friends' homes. I just wanted to know, have other parents had this happen as well?? Or is it just me?

**Just to add: I definitely DO redirect misbehavior nicely and say like, "oh in this house, we do ______." But, it is really tiresome to have to watch a friend to make sure she isn't in my room trying to climb under my bed with my cat. 😳

He’s always been a tough child. Very stubborn, very impulsive, and a short fuse. We thought he’d grow out of it, but honestly year after year, it just gets worse. He also struggles with anxiety and a negative outlook on life - he saw a therapist a couple years ago that didn’t help, but we also just started him with another. He masks ALL of this in school. He’s never had any issues with any other child or teacher. It’s always when he’s at home. He fights with his brother constantly, needs things right then and now or he loses it, very impulsive and doesn’t think before he acts, needs attention all the time - even if it’s negative. He’s constantly fighting with us about every little thing, screaming. Taking things away does absolutely nothing, yelling does absolutely nothing, talking to him about it once he’s calmed down does absolutely nothing. He just shuts down. And when he is in trouble? Oh man does he scream like he’s being murdered. I literally don’t know what to do anymore, it causes such angst in the house and I’m getting to the point where I wake up with dread because who knows what kind of attitude he’ll have today. Any advice?

From one faceless person to another, it is easier to gain a different outlook this way. So here I am and I ask.

I have a near 4 year old, things are awesome, and life is a ton of fun. So I wonder, should I be one and done or should I go one more.

I debate between the ideas of, is it selfish of me to not give my child another sibling, a person to have, how would that shape the way they grow up? I also wonder, we are having so much fun and joy dedicating our all to our child, and the idea of constantly being able to do that to the best of our ability (because one kid is expensive enough) and really gaining the most out of life as a “table for 3 please” family. Having the extra finances to contribute to xx amount of resources for the betterment of their future, however that may turn out.

I wonder, if anybody was ever once in the position where they decided between one and done, or plus more and they chose to be one and done, and they are happy with that decision after years have gone by and there’s no turning back to add another.

What do you do? I feel a bit awkward having to converse with strangers but a toddler really forces that on me sometimes? Do you have any strategies or ice breakers that might make it a bit funnier/easier interaction?

I feel so guilty right now. We have a 6 week old newborn and a very high energy and loud almost 5 year old.

The 5 year old has been challenging since she turned about 4. Just huge emotions, battling for control, no impulse control and very short temper. It has gotten a lot better the past few months but it still pops up, especially when she’s tired. She has nothing but amazing reports from school but then she gets home and falls apart.

This weekend I have felt so guilty about being overstimulated. I am wishing for my 5 year old to go to pre-k so I can go back into my quiet newborn bubble. My older daughter is a big mommy’s girl and it’s been hard finding the energy to not just make sure I give her a little of my time each day, but to gather enough energy to make it good time together.

I used to have so much patience for her but right now I just don’t. My husband is doing so much to help support me and help with the kids but mentally I’m struggling with the noise and her wanting to be attached to me and the baby.

Please tell me this gets better. I feel like such a bad mom.

I'm been wondering recently about how other people go about things like watching more adult content during the day time hours when kids are around. I obviously don't mean anything seriously inappropriate, but I find it's soooo hard to sit down and watch a movie in the evening around bedtime. My kid is 9 now, so I feel like i should be able to put on certain R-rated movies and have the space to do so as long as it isn't something too crazy. The example i have right now is something like the first two godfather movies, I dont exactly have the luxury of three hours of downtime in the evening to watch a single movie.

Maybe it's because I was very much a "bedroom kid" growing up in the sense that when the adults were watching something not for kids, the kids were expected to scram. I also did see a lot that wasn't kid friendly (I still remember seeing parts of Army of Darkness when I was super young), but I don’t necessarily think it was too big of a deal.

How strongly do you moderate what's on tv during the daytime?

Our toddlers bedroom leads to the loft. The railing is taller than him but we have a desk against it. We typically never have furniture against the railing for obvious climbing hazard reasons but we have been moving everything out of one room to create a nursery for our daughter. Soon there will be no furniture against the loft railing.

Our toddler has never opened his own door and doesn’t know how to. But given ample time in the opportunity, he could probably figure it out soon. He is on a floor bed that he doesn’t leave until we come into the room. He COULD leave the bed - it’s just a mattress on the ground - but he’s had it for a year and still has never left it when he wakes up.

I am thinking locking his door from the outside is a good idea now that he’s getting bigger and will be able to open the door soon. He is 28 months. But I’m wondering once we remove the furniture from against the railing if that’s really necessary?

What would you do? He has never shown any interest in climbing over the railing and doesn’t even throw toys off the loft or anything like that. He is what most would call an “easy toddler” but I’m still nervous. Is locking the door from the outside weird? Once he’s old enough to fully understand the concept of the loft and falling, I of course wouldn’t lock him in there because of the fire hazard.