r/JUSTNOMIL 14d ago

RANT (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ Advice Wanted MIL won’t stop trying to put my daughter in school

So for the past couple of months, my MIL has been insistent on putting my 3 year old daughter in school. Me and my husband have already told her that we want her to stay home until at least next year, when we put her in pre k. Shes already gone ahead and emailed a daycare and made me go with her to tour it.

Now she’s gone ahead and called and picked up an application at a head start school and won’t stop asking when I want to take the application. My husband told her today that we aren’t planning on it and she’s mad. I even told her on a phone call that it’s not up for discussion and that she needs to drop it. She’s making it seem like I’m ruining my child’s future by keeping her home one more year. She acts like I don’t read to my child or interact with her. It’s so annoying. Sometimes she’s super ignorant about things and she talks like we have no interest in our daughter’s education.

Idk what else to do to make her understand. Tell her straight up doesn’t do it, idk what will

Upvotes

117 comments sorted by

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u/Important_Brush_6407 14d ago

Respectfully this is your husband‘s beautiful and perfect time to shine and putting his mother in his place and telling her to butt out before she ends up losing her relationship with her grandchild. She’s disrespecting your boundaries and do not be surprised if she tries to go behind your back to your husband. He needs to put her in her place because it’s gonna cause a lot of problems later.

u/Powerful_Put_6977 14d ago

Please put the school on notice as they may be holding a space open for your child at the expense of another child.

A quick message (bypassing your MiL of course) should read something like this:

Dear Principal,

Thank you for the recent tour of your facilities which you showed us on X date. I would like to clarify that my MiL arranged this without consultation of either my husband or myself.

I would like to state that we are not looking for a place for Child to start in September 2026 as we plan on keeping them at home for another year. We would appreciate it if you would consider Child for a place when the waiting list opens up for September 2027.

Kindest regards

Something like that will get across that you're not looking for a place now but if you liked the school, that leaves the avenues of communication open for the following year. If you don't want to send your child there at all, just let them know that you're not interested in a space and thank them for their time.

Your MiL is overstepping because she is being allowed to overstep. Your husband has to stop this and the only way is by consequences of her actions. Don't make yourself as available to her and don't allow your child to be around her.

Best of luck to you!

u/rowenaravenclaw0 14d ago

Say No and put Mil on a contact time out.

u/MaggieJaneRiot 14d ago

She MADE you tour the school?

No.

u/IsAReallyCoolDancer 14d ago

Right! Stop engaging with her, OP. She can't make you do anything! You're an adult. Tell her no and nothing else. Just no. Rinse and repeat as needed. NO.

u/Puzzleheaded-Fig6418 14d ago

I’d also inform the daycare what she’s doing so you don’t end up with any potential enrolment fees

u/Catfactss 14d ago

1) Don't go on a tour with her 2) Email her for paper record. "Dear MIL, As outlined extensively to you multiple times from both SO and I, we are not starting school for X this year. Please stop contacting daycares or attempting to bring this up in discussion. We are not open to discussing this with you further. Lots of love Y and Z." 3) When she brings it up- leave the room/ hang up/ kick her out. EVERY time. 4) When you get contacted by daycares forward the email to them in response and CC MIL. "I apologize for the confusion. MIL is not a decision-maker in X's life. Please ignore any correspondence from her as we are not interested." 5) Seek emergency services as appropriate if she escalates. People who don't respect No don't like it when they don't have a choice.

u/Obvious-Explorer-195 14d ago

No is a complete sentence. Unfortunately going on a tour with her has diluted your no. Just practice saying no and that’s it. No explaining. No debating. No hearing her side. Just no. Literally walk away or leave if she won’t drop it.

u/madgeystardust 14d ago

You put her in a timeout. A long one. No calls and no texts.

She needs consequences for overstepping. She needs to not get access to you guys when she refuses to stay in her lane.

Decision maker for your child is NOT her lane.

Talking to her isn’t doing shit, so actions it is.

u/MarsNeedsRabbits 14d ago

You can't do this in a squishy way. As long as you don't set boundaries, discuss this over and over, or do things like visit schools, this will escalate.

You've inadvertently tried "nice", and it didn't work. It'll never work. You have to be firm, and you can't be a pushover.

Clearly, pointedly, tell her that she's had her child(ren) and that your child is not her child. Tell her that this will not be a topic of conversation ever again. Make it clear that you are the mother, and that you will not be bullied.

Tell her that you will not have her or anyone undercutting your parenting. Then, mean exactly what you say by setting boundaries.

If she brings it up, leave, hang up, walk away. Don't invite her over until she agrees that this is no longer a topic. If she has a key, get it back or change the locks.

Don't do her favours, don't let your child stay with her since she's irrationally anger (irrational because she thinks she is more of a parent to your child than you are).

If she gets people to lecture you, tell them that you aren't going to discuss this, then change the subject or end the conversation.

u/Strict_Bar_4915 14d ago

I love "you can't do this in a squishy way."

I feel OP (and soooo many moms in this sub) would be well served by being willing to make everyone super uncomfortable and then sit in it. These MIL's have no actual power. She who wins discomfort chicken, wins.

u/Madwoman-of-Chaillot 14d ago

Your entire post history is heartbreaking. Please take care of yourself. Please reach out for some help. You need it.

u/Obvious-Explorer-195 14d ago

Woah that’s awful. Thats no contact forever worthy. Clearly hubby isn’t much use too.

u/One-Pause3171 14d ago

Is she paying for it?

u/Infamous-Let4387 14d ago

Irrelevant. OP said no, so mil needs to drop it.

u/Ocean_Spice 14d ago

What do you mean she “made” you go to a tour?

u/Skyeviews9 14d ago

How did mil make you go with her to tour the daycare? Who cares if she is mad? Her opinions are not relevant so ignore them and refuse to discuss it further with her. Your child will be fine starting daycare at age four.

u/Top_Cow3235 14d ago

Take the application and rip it to pieces in front of her. Tell her there will be no contact until she accepts boundaries. And stick to it.

u/RelativeFondant9569 14d ago

Why in the godamned fuck are you STILL TRYING to be nice to this absolutely mentally ill idiot!? She Stole your baby a couple years ago and you said you were through. And here you are again letting her walk all over you in the name of nice!!!!

You're teaching your children to tolerate abuse with your modeling. You're teaching your children it's ok to stuff your feelings and needs deep down and let others use and abuse and take from you. (My mom did this and my adult brother and I struggled/struggle for decades to heal from what we were conditioned to take)

u/Euphoric-Piglet-8140 14d ago

Made you go? You're half enabling her right there.

u/whatyourmamasaid 14d ago

Fuck you, MIL, I don’t care if you made an appt. I am not going. We are not interested in when you think LO should go to school. You are not a decision-maker in our family!

This is our child not yours! You already raised your child and now we are raising our child. You do not get a vote! Stop it or you are going in a one month time out from all our family members including the pet fish!!! Stay in your lane!

u/TeenyTiny_BeanieToes 14d ago

This is literally the only answer.

u/[deleted] 14d ago edited 14d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

u/Efficient_Serve_5729 14d ago

Quite literally not true. 

u/One-Pause3171 14d ago

I mean, depends on the kid and the environment? Some homes are toxic. Some kids don’t thrive in the daycare environment. My kid loved it. She made friends that she’s still friends with years later and it save my sanity. But that’s us and our family and our kid.

u/CzarcasticScholastic 14d ago

Fkn MIL’s.

u/Optimal_Piglet7832 14d ago

🤣🤣... She MADE you do the tour... 😉🙄

"Your access to my child is a privilege, not a right. Do not abuse it."

Disrespecting the parents, parenting style, life choices for their child = NO ACCESS TO SAID CHILD.... for a few weeks/ months.

"When you fail to set boundaries, you're telling her that her behavior is fine. WITHOUT CONSEQUENCES, BOUNDARIES MEAN NOTHING."

u/T-Rock21 14d ago

Next time she brings it up; shut it down. HARD.

Tell MIL that you have made your decision and your decision is final, so unless she wants to find herself with increasingly limited contact with your LO, she will shut her mouth about the matter and respect your decision.

Is it rude? Yes. Is it necessary? Also yes.

Because when it comes to MILs who seem to take being told ‘no’ as a challenge to force the ‘no’ into a ‘yes’ instead, rudeness is the way to go.

u/Shoeprincess 14d ago

Stop entertaining her about this, honestly, you should not have gone on the tour if you had no intention of enrolling your daughter. Now she thinks she can dictate even MORE stuff to you. Be blunt with her, "MIL, you do NOT get a say in how we educate our child. We are the parents we decide what is best for her." she will be mad. She is gonna be mad anyway might as well rip the bandaid off.

u/RanjitKumarSingh 14d ago

No and simply don’t go. What’s she gonna do? Force you? How?

u/psyk2u 14d ago

It's time for some distance. If you're not living with her, there's no reason to see her as often. That way she has less chances to annoy you and pester you about this. And when you do see her, make it clear that her visit will be over if she starts carrying on about it.

u/Available_Candy7124 14d ago

Basically this. Telling her no and letting her continue is basically just giving her suggestions to ignore. She needs  consequences. Give her one warning and say that she will be out on a time out if she brings it up again. Escalating in duration for each offense.

u/MsPennyP 14d ago

When/if you do put her in school, make sure to put mil on the cannot pick up, cannot be in classroom with your kid. (Visit or volunteer)

u/[deleted] 14d ago

[deleted]

u/badgermushrooma 14d ago

Even if married

u/EJK_PlantsAreFriends 14d ago

“MIL you seem to be under the impression that you get a say in our child’s life decisions. You don’t. We are the parents and only we decided when our child starts school. We won’t be having this conversation again, if you don’t respect this boundary we will have to take a step back from you for a while.”

u/greyhounds4life1969 14d ago

Walk away when she talks about it, if she's on the phone, hang up on her. You gave her an in by tolerating her bullshit with the tour, don't make that mistake again.

u/Slytherin01 14d ago

Accept the application and in front of her put it in the recycle bin. Or let your daughter use it as coloring pages.

u/RelativeFondant9569 14d ago

Crayola then the Can! 🎨 🗑

u/m3rrr 14d ago

You’re first mistake was going on the tour

u/NJtoOx 14d ago

Of course she’s going to continue doing this, she’s getting away with it.

You’re a grown ass woman, a whole wife and mother!, what do you mean she “made you” go on a tour for a daycare? She cannot make you do anything, you’re letting her manipulate you into doing what she wants. By not nipping this in the bud you’ve allowed it to grow, and with no consequences she will continue to do this. I can’t imagine a scenario where she continuously pushes your boundaries and then magically just stops when you’ve done nothing to enforce said boundaries.

Tell her, or better yet have your husband do this because he really should be the one to handle his mother, once more that she is not your child’s parent and therefore does not have a say in her schooling. That you you understand she loves your daughter but she needs to stop bringing it up, and absolutely never make appointments or take applications in your name again. That she cannot continue to shit talk your parenting and expect to spend time with you/your daughter. Decide with your husband what the consequence for her ignoring this will be, maybe it’s a physical time out from her and an information diet. Tell her there will be consequences and then, most importantly, actually follow through with it!!!

And stop entertaining her!
She keeps talking about sending your daughter to school? Don’t respond, hang up if you’re on the phone or walk away if you’re face to face

No is a full sentence, start using it.

u/Otherwise-Wall-6950 14d ago

"This is the last time we're going to say this. She is OUR daughter and WE will decide where/when she starts school. If you bring it up again you're going into a 1 week time out. No visits, no communication, NOTHING! Whine about it and it's another week."

u/EStewart57 14d ago

Please check out Mind Your Boundaries on YouTube. She has strategies for this.

u/RefrigeratorNo686 14d ago

Maybe Im just mean, but I would be a little more direct and firm with my no. "WTH Judy? Your continued insistence is a huge overstep and frankly concerning that you can't respect that we as her parents have said no. This is the final time we say no, and if you bring it up again, there will be consequences." And then follow through.

u/Ultimatesleeper 14d ago

Unless she was literally bankrolling your household, there’s no way she should be able to be this invasive.

Don’t feel bad to tell her no. Who’s going help you not feel bad if you sign your daughter up for something, you don’t want ? Why bend to her will

u/dluke96 14d ago

So I am going to ask this question please don’t be offended by this: why are you putting up with this? Why did you go on the daycare tore? Does she provide children care? Does she give you money? Do you live with it her?

If you say no to these questions then you need to put your foot down and give her consequences. Sometimes I put my mil in a timeout where I do not talk to her at all and she does not come over. Hang up if she starts badgering. Tell her to leave if she starts acting up. And don’t let her come over. She needs a consequence when she oversteps your boundaries.

u/adkSafyre 14d ago

Remind her she is the grandmother not a third parent. Decisions about your daughters education belong to you and husband only and not up for discussion. Tell her if she continues to interject she will be put in a six month time out where she will lose access to her granddaughter. How will she like being "the grandma we don't see?"

u/HRHValkyrie 14d ago

Info: Does MIL provide childcare during the week?

u/ramierae 14d ago

For starters, stop touring day care centers with her. She can’t make you go.

u/FRANPW1 14d ago

INFO: Do you take money from your in-laws? Are you going to inherit from them one day?

Is this why you are afraid to say no?

u/Classic_Cauliflower4 14d ago

No is a complete sentence, but if she requires more words, “We as her parents will decide what is best for her. Oh look, we’ve already decided. Thanks for your input; have a nice day.”

Edit: I might suggest calling the daycare that she’s trying to enroll her in and let them know that the child’s parents are not interested so they might not want to waste their time entertaining the overstepping grandmother.

u/Mama_Marge 14d ago

No is a full answer. Stop answering. Hang up the phone if it’s brought up. Don’t accept any info or applications, throw them out in front of her if you have to. It’s just not happening. You owe her no explanation and it’s a good chance to start enforcing boundaries with consequences.

Otherwise this is just the beginning of a lifetime of misery and overstepping

u/Trepenwitz 14d ago

She “made you” go on a tour of a daycare you explicitly told her your child was not going to? Wut? No.

Tell her to bring all the applications to your house. Then burn them all in front of her.

u/Status-Pace-2586 14d ago

Hahaha!!! 🔥🔥🔥

u/quail_challenge122 14d ago

Unless the kid has some type of potential IEP/504 need theres no reason to so more.

u/Curi0usSheep 14d ago

Don’t go on any more tours with her. No is a full sentence. She’s trying to pressure you into a decision that she does not have a say in. There isn’t anything else you can tell her she’s just trying to get her way. So you need to set boundaries with her and have a conversation with your husband so you’re both on the same page.

Sounds like you might need to do broken record method, and start putting consequences down each time she brings it up and definitely don’t let her have alone time with LO. Change the subject each time she tries to bring it up or the same response “ We have already made our decision about her schooling and it’s not up for discussion.” And if she continues to bring it up put distance because she is not respecting your decision as the parents.

u/Adelucas 14d ago

There are only two people with power her, you and your husband. She has none unless you give it to her.

If it was me granny would be on a six month time out. No contact with the child at all, no replies to phone calls and messages, no visits. Tell her to stay in her lane and enjoy being a grandmother, or she'll lose her grandmother privileges.

You have one job, and that's to raise your daughter the way you wish her to be raised. We're not talking weird antivax or strange diets, we're talking early education and that's for the parents to decide on. Pull out your shiny spine from storage, activate mama bear mode, and prepare for battle. Make sure you go hard otherwise every decision you make for your child will be a constant fight with her. Don't give her an inch or she'll spoil what is an amazing time in your life.

u/ocicataco 14d ago

why are you even taking her calls, responding to her messages, and letting her drag you to places? stop engaging. your answer is "no" or silence.

u/emorrigan 14d ago

Honestly, the main thing that kids whose parents are actively involved (like reading to them, etc.) gain from being in those first couple years of school are social skills. Your daughter will NOT be behind or damaged or any other thing by staying home for one more year until pre-k, ffs.

Sincerely, an ACT/SAT/LSAT Prep Tutor who also happened to go to school the first time when she was FIVE in Kindergarten

u/CanibalCows 14d ago

Consequences. Mom/MIL, we've already discussed this. We're going to take a two week timeout from visiting.

u/Ok-Minute6704 14d ago

I do not understand how a woman who is not your wife is making you do anything . Especially concerning your own child ? Please ladies, it's almost women's equality day lol

u/Face_with_a_View 14d ago

Stop talking to her about your plans. Just on repeat say things like “we’ve got it handled”, “we’re are following her pediatricians advice” etc

u/Significant-Bet4545 14d ago

She cant make you do a damn thing. Stop letting her. Big girl panties on immediately. If you feel strongly about your decisions, stand on them.

u/CADreamn 14d ago edited 14d ago

" Shes already gone ahead and emailed a daycare and made me go with her to tour it."

Well, for one thing, stop doing things like this. You are sending mixed messages. "No" is a complete sentence! Or, if you like "No, I'm not going. It would be a complete waste of time because we are not putting her in daycare or school until we decide to. Stop trying to push us."

u/No-BSing-Here 14d ago

This is the way I see it. It may be wrong. She had the opportunity to parent her kids the way SHE wanted. Now she needs you to allow you and OH to orient in a way your want to. The end!

If she can't respect your wishes, then whack MIL onto a timeout.

u/mochimangoo 14d ago

I’ve been saying that she acts like my child is her “do over”. My husband had an eventful childhood and I imagine she has a lot of regrets on that. She likes to butt in and make decisions that don’t involve her a lot of

u/Persephone8314 14d ago

Is this the same child that this MIL walked into your home and took when they were a baby, and was only stopped by FIL in the car b/c of no car seat?

u/Diasies_inMyHair 14d ago

Why did you agree to go with her? That only encourages her to push on this and every other issue when she doesn't immediately get her way.

What you can do to make her understand is to refuse to entertain her overstepping after you have said No. Pick a phrase related to your No, like "We have already told you that Daughter will not be enrolled in any school before her fourth birthday. I won't discuss this further." And repeat it like a broken record the moment she tries to bring it up.

When you tell her No about anything, Don't ever back down. Don't get emotional. Don't react if she does. Just stand firm and repeat yourself without argument or further discussion.

u/TattooedBagel 14d ago

Exactly! Great advice.

OP - Going on the tour & continuing to have any level of conversation about this you’re sending mixed messages and feeding her delusions (?) of power. You are allowed to shut it down and ignore her until she can act right! If that’s never, and you ignore her forever, oh no… so sad… anyway… it’s not against the law to piss her off, and if not being allowed to rule your life pisses her off, that’s a her problem and needs to remain so.

u/Magdovus 14d ago

How did she "make" you go on a tour. Stop being nice and throw down.

You get what you tolerate.

u/mochimangoo 14d ago

I guess I’m just trying to too hard to be nice. So much so that I’m sabotaging myself. I want my in laws to like me, but I’m starting to see that it might not go that way.

u/Obvious-Explorer-195 14d ago

You can be nice and she won’t like you, or you can advocate for yourself and she still won’t like you. It’s an awful situation to be in, incredibly unfair, but this isn’t a new relationship clearly, she’s never going to change. I’m sorry you’re in this situation and I wish you all the best working on advocating for you and your little one.

u/Powerful_Put_6977 14d ago

People like what they can respect. Stop being 'too nice'. It's not getting you anywhere fast.

Why do you care that they like you. It's enough that your husband likes and loves you and I'd leave these people to it!

u/dasher2581 14d ago

In my experience, difficult people don't like you any better for being a doormat. In fact, when you stand up to them, they're more likely to respect you and come around to liking you. When you roll over for them, they just despise you and push even harder.

u/FRANPW1 14d ago

It won’t make them like but it will make them think you are a doormat.

u/Wreny84 14d ago

Why are you trying to be nice, MIL clearly isn’t. She doesn’t give a hoot if you like her as long as you obey. “Your title to my child does not entitle you to my child” or as we say in Scotland, away an’ raffle!

u/GloomChampion 14d ago

She doesn’t seem to care if you like her. But regardless, your husband needs to lay down the law on this one.

“Mom, we have told you that we are not putting daughter into school until at least next year. We have been patient with you and heard you out and your opinion has been noted. But we have made our decision and it is final. You’re not always going to agree with every choice we make, and we don’t expect you to. But me and my wife are good parents and we love our daughter. So you need go respect our decisions when it comes to our family.”

u/Darby17 14d ago

Consider it’s more important to stand up for yourself and your child than to have your inlaws think you’re nice.

u/Visible_Stress6636 14d ago

You get what you tolerate!!! I am stealing that thank you

u/dgduhon 14d ago

I use something similar.

'What you allow is what will continue'.

u/Dunamis_81 14d ago

Sounds like you know you need to be firm with her. Your MIL sounds like a pain in the ass, and the type who won’t stop pushing if she thinks there is even a 1% chance of success.

u/mochimangoo 14d ago

She is exactly this type. Shes very head strong and will try to take control in any situation. No one in the family ever tells her she’s stepping over the line. I’m sick of it.

u/zorobabiii 14d ago

My mil is the same way🙄across other areas as well. The best thing that works is to stand your ground and very plainly, without any emotions attached, stand your ground. “Take this app….no (thank you)” “come with me to this tour….no (thank you)/I have something going on” and keep it pushing. Either walk away, end call, end conversation or change topic. I’m sure there’s a psychology term for this approach but I’m not 100% what it’s called.

u/Hot-Freedom-5886 14d ago

How did she “make,” you your a preschool? That seems like an entirely voluntary outing…

“DH and I have already made plans for LO’s education. We don’t require your assistance.”

u/mochimangoo 14d ago

I admit I should’ve just said no. She went ahead and called the place and scheduled a tour, I felt bad and I just gave in.

u/Curi0usSheep 14d ago

Could call the place the next time it occurs and just tell them there’s been miscommunication and you have no interest in touring.

u/Kali_Luna372 14d ago

Saying “No” the first time, is usually, the hardest. It does usually get easier each time.

Learn the word “No.” if she pushes. Tell her, “MY NO, as her parent will ALWAYS come before your opinion. You have NO say over OUR (clarify. Mine and husbands ñames child).”

She gets a choice. Either comply, or, be the grandma we never see.

u/RefrigeratorNo686 14d ago

Try practice in the mirror.

u/Hot-Freedom-5886 14d ago

And that’s why she’s continuing to harass you about it. You broke your own boundary, so she thinks she can, too. People like your MIL take every opportunity to get their way.

u/NorthernLitUp 14d ago

Your first mistake was actually touring a program with her. You made her think you were actually considering it. You can't do "nice" with a bully.

Stop answering texts about school. Hang up if she mentions it on the phone. End the visit if she brings it up in person.

She won't stop if she thinks there's any chance you're actually considering her badgering and insane point of view and frankly offensive comments.

Why is your husband not handling his mommy?

u/mochimangoo 14d ago

My husband has been telling her to knock it off and he actually called her and told her again today. It spiraled into an argument and now both her and my FIL are giving us the cold shoulder. I got upset during that phone call and I took the phone from my husband. I told her while I appreciate her interest in my daughter’s education, I was not going to consider putting her in school yet. This is the first time she actually had an angry tone with me lol

u/ramierae 14d ago

That cold shoulder may be a big blessing. Sounds like you were just granted some peace and quiet.

u/nooneyouknow_youknow 14d ago

It's summer. Take advantage of the cold. See how long it takes for her to figure out that you're reciprocating.

u/Wreny84 14d ago

She’s angry that you’re not doing as you’re told, big deal! What’s she going to do, make you sit on the naughty step!

u/Mountain_Goldfinch 14d ago

Enjoy the silent treatment and do not chase them. I wouldn’t even talk to them until an apology is stated.

u/ML5815 14d ago

Why are we still seeing this woman or entertaining her silly demands? Tell her to stop immediately and that you absolutely refuse to listen to her again. Tell her she must be confused. She’s had her turn making decisions for her own children. This is not her child. Then, a warning - If she mentions it again, that’s a time out for her. Again and again, on it goes until she figures out she’s not the mommy here. If your husband is the one having trouble telling mommy she’s overstepping, you’ve got to get in there and do it and not go on daycare tours.

u/Sea-Twist6391 14d ago

How did she “make you” go with her to tour the daycare? Put her in a timeout and stop giving in to her.

u/Fuzzy-Mushroom-1933 14d ago edited 14d ago

But she can’t really “make you go with her”.

What you allow will continue. Your husband needs to tell her. “We’re absolutely not putting daughter in school. Stop mentioning it or we’re going to put you on a timeout”

u/neuroctopus 14d ago

That’s annoying. How pushy!! I’m usually the one on here talking about “make them understand,” but it seems like she got me beat. You both seem to have been quite clear. The only thing to do is become unbothered. You said it yourself, she’s ignorant; therefore, her opinion holds zero weight. There’s absolutely nothing developmentally wrong with starting the school experience at age 4, says my PhD. And you can tell her I said so!

u/HettyBates 14d ago edited 14d ago

You can't make someone understand who doesn't want to understand. She doesn't.

She gets a time-out for 2 weeks, no calls, no texts, no emails, no carrier pigeons or bat-signals. She brings it up again, four weeks.

She keeps it up long enough, your DD will be in pre-K. Problem solved! :-)

u/Gringa-Loca26 14d ago

Put her in a timeout. No contact until she drops it.

u/mochimangoo 14d ago

That’s what I’m gonna have to do. It’s getting ridiculous at this point. She told us that our daughter is gonna end up disabled and behind if we don’t put her in school right now. lol

u/OniyaMCD 14d ago

So, when my kid was pre-K, we got a copy of the old Schoolhouse Rock videos on DVD, and it was her *favorite*. We didn't have an actual 'pre-K' in my school district, outside of church-adjacent programs, so she first attended school as a kindergartner. A kindergartner who knew her entire multiplication table up to Little Twelve-Toes, a fair amount of American history/government, and a decent amount of science.

She still looks up educational documentaries for fun at the age of 25.

u/mochimangoo 14d ago

Me and my husband put on sight words on YouTube and story time videos for her. She can read sentences, count, knows all her shapes, and some addition. She’s definitely not gonna be behind at all idk where my mil comes up with that.

u/OniyaMCD 14d ago

Nope, you're good. There are stories of when I learned to read - someone questioned whether I had just memorized what had been read to me on repeat, and put an unfamiliar book in front of me.

They stopped questioning.

u/TattooedBagel 14d ago

TIL that everyone was mentally disabled by age three before formal education was developed. How did we ever develop it in the first place then, I wonder…

I’m sorry your MIL is a lunatic.

u/Samiiiibabetake2 14d ago

My son didn’t start “school” until kindergarten when he was 5.

He got a 34 (out of 36) on his ACT and is a fucking genius - I’m not speaking hyperbolically here - he really is. Your MIL is a dummy😅

u/Mysterious-Plenty376 14d ago

Tell her your 3 year-old understands the word “no” and you refuse to take parenting or education advice from someone who is her age and does not and throws tantrums when she hears the word.

End of discussion.

u/Curi0usSheep 14d ago

I am surprised you didn’t go scorch earthed on her for that sort of comment. Cause like wow that’s so unacceptable.

u/DisgustedSilverLady 14d ago

What??? Oh, she's beyond ridiculous. You're going to have to be straight up blunt to her.. she's not her mother, that you are! She doesn't get a say in anything regardless of her demands. Not her child, not her business. And this is from a 70 yr old great grandma. I raised my 4. Now it's my kids and grands turn.

u/No_Today_4903 14d ago

That’s ridiculous. I have 3 kids. 2 boys, 1 girl. My oldest son is 22, daughter is 19 and youngest son is 14. Boys went to preschool and pre k and my daughter didn’t get to do either because we were moving and life was chaotic. Long story. Anyway. Wanna guess who was the most adjusted, did the best in school so far, read the best, best behaved etc. etc.??? My daughter. All 3 raised in the same household, same parents, really the same everything. Not saying my boys are bad or have done anything horrible. They’re both good students and my youngest tests as gifted in language arts just as my daughter did lol. But honestly. My daughter always did so much better in school and definitely never got any detentions and whatnot. Lol so the whole your daughter will be disabled is horseshit. That right there pisses me off. Mil needs to go somewhere else and leave your child alone. No more touring schools, no more bringing it up and your husband needs to tell her to have several seats and not bring any of this up to yall again. Your child will be fine.

u/boundaries4546 14d ago

I was just about to say this refused to take her calls, and do not have any visits with her for at least a month. After the 30 days, you can tell her why she was in timeout.