Sardines, dragonfruit, pumpernickel, cracker with fig jam and honey, broghies, spinach dip

I am working the next 11 days in a row and I don’t wannnnnnaaaa.

I live alone and no one can't tell at me about how healthy or how many calories should I have for dinner so I use my free will. And this Carbonara flavour of Buldak is my favourite!

Homemade curry flavored pickled eggs, cabbage, imitation crab, top ramen pack.

i was too tired to coordinate several small ones. hersheys chocolate syrup is disgusting. goodnight pancake

Flounder, a small onion and havarti cheese

Frozen French toast sticks from the back of the freezer, a yogurt flip cup, berries and a chipotle jam I’ve had since the beginning of time. Endo is killing me y’all.

Leftover avocado toast topped with microgreens, an apple n PB, two meat stix, two chz (chedd&mozz), garlic stuffed olives, and one mandarin. Coconut water to wash it down.

Tj’s garlic naan with canned chickpeas + yogurt with lemon, spices + olives + glass of Pinot. Not good but not bad. Also I don’t care. This gets a 5/10 for taste, but I gave it an extra point for easy of assembly/clean up. Ur welcome. Gnight

It was a difficult, strange and overwhelming weekend. 

Generally speaking, I don't like attention and I avoid people, I just like being alone.

For good reason. Peace. 

So in the past few days, there was the usual unnecessarily unhinged and unwanted family drama while visiting my loved ones. 

I just wanted to be left alone. 

Today, after the long drive back home, I stopped for gas to make sure I am set for the week. 

I was wearing a really pretty girly princess-y summer dress. 

Not my usual look but when I saw it I loved it and I actually feel extra feminine in it, silly I know... 

But recently especially, I am trying to "fake it 'til I make it". 

To look and feel pretty again. 

To remember who the fuck I am. 

Because even baddies get depressed, get rejected, get heartbroken.

And summer is almost over, so since the weather was amazing, I forced myself to wear it and try and feel good about myself. 

I didn't even see him coming, I was so focused on my task and lost in thought... 

Thoughts I wish I wouldn't have. Thoughts about...💔

He just began talking to me, fully smiling. I was startled and jumped and he apologized. 

I didn't even catch his "introduction". 

But basically he was "presenting" himself to me and complimenting me and said he just "had to to tell me how beautiful I was". 😳🤯

For sure I was blushing and I felt very shy and uncomfortable. 

I knew I shouldn't have worn that stupid dress...😑

It's not the first time a guy comes up to me to flirt. 

Hate it each time... 

Even women asking for directions etc...

I am lowkey anti-social...

But this man was actually handsome, I mean, he was actually my type, like if I had noticed him before, I might stare longer than usual since I found him attractive.

He was very nice, charming, seemed funny, put together and... normal? Haha... 

However, when he asked me if I was single and if he could possibly get my number, I panicked inside and told him "NO" for my info. 

He said: "Oh I see, of course you have a boyfriend" [fyi: ouch 😭 #foreveralone]

I told him I didn't, but that I am not dating at the moment [or this century].

But, the way I said it was so weird and mysterious AND creepy 😅 Idk man...

I mean, what I wanted to say was:

I am in love with someone already.

I know that person doesn't feel the same way and probably never will, but I am not ready to be over him just yet.

Because I have never had these feelings before and although they hurt and are not reciprocated, I just want to feel them a little longer before I have to let go, because I have never cared for someone like this before (romantically). 

I want him even though I can probably never have him. 

The only man I want to look at me, talk to me, listen to me, touch me, is him. 

The only guy I want to look at, talk to, listen to and touch, is him... 

My unrequited love. 

It is beautifully and tragically sad.

But I couldn't say that. 

It would have been a record in oversharing, even for me...

Anyways, I had already made the vibe so tense and weird, at least he understood that it wasn't going to happen and wished me a good day.

He probably thought I was the weirdest chick ever haha (hopefully we don't cross paths again since it's my local gas station)💀

The other day I asked the universe to help me move on, get over these seemingly "wasted" feelings, send me a sign, to  help me.

It's possible the universe is swearing at me as we speak because I am fully retarded and possibly turned away someone who just might have been emotionally available and capable of loving me...

Oh well, back to crying over my man who isn't my man 🙃🤡

(At least my late dinner/snack/cold indoor picnic meal was good although couldnt finish half 😭)

Steam a big bag of edamame, tossed in some soy sauce and garlic chili oil. Ate 3 servings of it. Happy Monday!

Have the place to myself tonight, so I tried my hand at making some crab rangoon, with Sriracha and soy sauce mixed in my favorite mug for dipping. Some are a little overdone, but they are hitting the spot.

Cheap sake not pictured. (Also a repost because I'm a few glasses in and forgot the pic 🫠)

green apples, melted semisweet choco chips, pretzels, string cheese, & a sugar cookie😛 actually a delicious combo lowk making me veryyy excited for fall

My first official girl dinner post 🙏. Had a craving, so made these artichokes and remoulade for a get together. Luckily, there were leftovers for dinner tonight. Popped in the oven/broiler with some more olive oil for a bit and served with the dip.

For anyone wondering what's in the remoulade (I didn't measure and did everything to sight, taste, and memory):

Mayo

Yogurt

Roasted garlic

Country Dijon

Chives

Hint of dill

Dollop of Anchovie paste

Splash of Lemon zest/juice

Touch of Capers

Splash of worschtershire

Seasoning to taste (TJ's Everyday Seasoning and Umami seasoning)

I tried to mimic a recipe at a restaurant I love, and it turned out pretty good :)

Green apple & caramel, cutie, grapes, the end of an old bag of salt n vinegar, good pickle, grilled cheese

Hands down my favorite snackkk. Cheetos, tomato, cucumber, lettuce, avocado, lime, tapatio, pickled pig skin.

Parchment paper on a baking sheet for easy cleanup. 

Trader Joe’s honey mustard popcorn, maple brown butter almonds, sweet chili black eyed pea tempeh chips, rolled corn chips nacho cheese, carrots, cucumbers, kiwi, watermelon with tajin, blueberries

Not pictured because I ate them as I plated: pickled onions, prosciutto, salami, hot honey beef jerky 

Also not pictured: crunchy chili onion hummus, grapefruit sparkling water

Lightly salted rice cakes with a Peanut Butter + Honey mix topped with mini choco-chips / cinnamon sugar !

My boyfriend said he “imagined me more goth” while kissing he said this like a doofus caveman and it made me so triggered. you in heels and dress castlevania me horny were the words he uttered whilst playing tennis of all things before we get home to have sex.

No joke had to explain to him to not pressure me into an aesthetic countless times

I feel so compared rn and very insecure I'm a tall girl and I struggle with femminity so much it pains me and feels just as much as If I imagined him as a different man

Idk how to cope bunch ice cream for the mammalian reflex

Edit spelling mistakes

Mussels, apple and soda stream

basically ate breakfast, lunch/snack and afternoon coffee treats as one meal at like 10:30 pm. (hope it's ok to post as a man, she asked me to post this)

Jalepeno garlic stuffed olives, buffalo cheese, spicy pickles, carrots, cucs, Trader Joe’s patio chips, triscuits and blueberries 🥒🌶️🫒

It’s hard to cook because of chronic fatigue. Also, trying to eat better. Sweet pickles, cucumbers, baby carrots, cream cheese stuffed peppers (poblano? I think), mild cedar cheese, microwaved veggie samosas and hard boiled eggs with salt.

I find it aesthetic 🥰