Friendships With Other Men

[u/coolass45]

As a 26M, I have never been part of a male friend group that was supportive. Every experience has been more hostile than comfortable (shitting on each other, talking shit behind other guys backs, kicking ppl while down etc). There is constant jockeying to be the “alpha/leader” of the group and it gets exhausting after a while. And god forbid you stand up for yourself when someone takes things to far and it’s “just a joke” and you’re “too sensitive” and next thing you know they treat you like an outsider. One of my former college friends even called me an “easy target” for being clowned on… just because Im “the quiet one”. Also faced backlash from them for not enjoying their hobbies (anime and video games) while prioritizing my own (music and reading).

My friendships with other women in this generation have been much more fruitful and supportive. Guys only ever talk abt surface level BS, while women seem to actually care abt their friends at a deep personal level. And it’s never transactional. I only ever keep in touch with the ladies I made friends with in college, and have completely cut off my guy friends due to the behavior I listed above.

I would love to find a good group of guys or at least 1-2 where there is common ground and mutual respect, where it is centered around lifting each other/others up rather than putting down. I enjoy good roasting sessions also, but there needs to be some balance. Is this even possible in today’s age? Are guys actually capable of this without it turning toxic, transactional or boring? I’d love to get married one day, but I won’t be able to have any groomsmen if all my friends are women.

If anyone has advice on how to make friends at this age, I’m open to all suggestions.

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[u/kiba8442]

damn, that sounds fucked 😭

[u/coolass45 → u/kiba8442]

It is

[u/kiba8442 → u/coolass45]

as a '96 all I can say is as you get older true friendships are hard to come by, like any relationship it takes time & effort to build. if you have long-term friendships with good people, cherish them. I have lots of acquaintances but tbh the last like real, meaningful friendships I've made are my college friends & roommates.

[u/Workaholic56]

I’m sorry your guy friends sucked. My college guy friends were not great dudes but I was not either, and it took me leaving and getting away from them to see that. I reconnected with two dudes from highschool when I dropped out. We all did the same thing and moved home.

We have all been through some hard times and we’re each other’s best men at our weddings. We are all married now, have wives and they have kids. We all got into taking hikes together in the beginning, and then into rock climbing. Find your interests and try and join a club and make an effort to connect with the people there.

[u/Cybonic]

I feel like it’s hard, especially with violent eugenics based patriarchal norms picking up a ton of media traction the past few years. You’ll meet a dude whose seemingly normal, connect on some basic interests and then out of nowhere they’ll just say something like “Yeah if it wasn’t for these fucking females” or some dumb shit. All you can do is try and not give in, it’s not worth compromising your values and wanted to be treated kindly and supported by people you call friends. If you like music and your in any kinda big area local music shows are probably your best shot based on your 2 hobbies. Depending on genres you enjoy it’s probably pretty active, and you have a better chance of meeting emotionally intelligent dudes. It’s still a crap shoot but artistically inclined folks/ people who are involved in community with others are still a better sea to fish out of then like your local dive bar. At the end of the day I don’t see why having all women as your wedding party is bad, doesn’t mean your literally anything just these people actually care about you therefore should be in your wedding party. Doesn’t mean you suck just haven’t met any dudes who support you, which says more about our larger overarching systems and culture then it does you.