I'm at the point where I'm seriously considering moving for this reason. I've tried long distance with someone from the US, and I'm open to long distance again, but preferably with someone in the same hemisphere.

Posted with the approval of the moderators.

We’re excited to officially announce that r/SecularJudaism is now open!

Judaism is an ethnoreligion that encompasses far more than exclusively a religious belief. Jewish identity is also rooted in a shared peoplehood, culture, history, heritage, traditions, and collective experience.

This community was created specifically for secular, atheist, agnostic, culturally Jewish, or otherwise non-religious Jews who still strongly identify with the Jewish people and their shared heritage. You don’t need to believe in God, regularly attend synagogue, keep kosher, or observe every holiday to have a meaningful connection to being Jewish.

Here, we aim to explore and celebrate Jewish peoplehood beyond religious belief: our culture, history, traditions, languages, humor, food, Israel, diaspora experiences, family customs, and the countless other things that connect Jews to one another across generations and around the world.

While secular Jewish life is at the heart of this community, r/SecularJudaism is a community for people of all backgrounds. Religious and observant Jews are welcome to participate. We simply ask that everyone respect the many different ways Jews understand and express their Jewish identity, including those whose connection to Judaism is primarily cultural, ethnic, or communal rather than religious.

Whether you’re atheist, agnostic, secular, culturally Jewish, traditionally observant, religious, somewhere in between, or still figuring out what being Jewish means to you, you’re welcome to join the conversation.

If this sounds like something you are interested in join us at r/SecularJudaism — a community for Jewish peoplehood, culture, and identity beyond religion!

Apologies if this is the wrong place to post seeing as I’m not Jewish! I don’t think I could post this to the lesbian sub without it getting hate comments so that’s why I’m posting here.

My friends invited me to a Jewish family Labor Day camp to talk about my political science thesis on queer people and the pro-Palestine movement (as in, “why tf are gay people into a movement that hates them?”). I’m a lesbian. There is this really beautiful and talented rabbinical student who led Shabbat services. I looked her up on Instagram and she’s queer.

I ran into her in the bathroom later as she was getting out of the shower and we started talking about the queer community, and how anti-Jewish it is. We have a lot in common. She’s coming to my talk, and I’m going to be so nervous the whole time. But idk why. She lives on the other side of the country, and I know she probably has a bf/gf, she’d most likely never date a gentile (and I totally understand that), I’m probably not her type, and it feels weird crushing on someone when I’m a guest here. Hopefully I can be friends with her since she won’t be into me. Just needed to get this off my chest. Ahhhhhh

Hi!! I'm 18 and a lesbian, and I live out in Michigan where there's basically no one lgbtq in my community... To top it off I'm fully Orthodox and feeling pretty isolated 😭 I just wanna meet people like me and meet other queer jews

Hi guys my name is yaacov and I’m looking for new queer friends, i live in Paris but if you want we can chat on another social media

Shabbat shalom! I am a Polish, recently returned gay Jewish guy, living in Warsaw now, permanently looking for friendship with gay Jews in Warsaw. I speak English and Polish fluently. Guys between 30 and 60 would be cool. Am interested in attending shul, and perhaps Shabbat dinners and other gatherings. Just message me to talk. Thanks

For context, I am not romantically experienced, and I am fresh in my Judaism journey, but I would also love to find a Jewish partner (preferably in person connection instead of online). How do I go about this?

Hi all,

Want to support a queer Jewish author?

Read Son of Sasha by Sophie Panzer!

It’s the story of a young woman who isn’t sure if she wants kids – and then she gets stuck taking care of a magical golem baby.

You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll learn a lot about jewish history and folklore.  

Warning that the last chapter does deal with 10/7 and the aftermath. But it handles it in a way that validates what we’ve been through these past 3 years.

Here’s the amazon link: https://a.co/d/0hBBPiZ6

Or other midwestern states! I have queer friends and Jewish friends but I haven't quite found the overlap yet. I'd love to meet new people so let me know!

I recently went through a breakup with my boyfriend of four years. I’m 27 he was 23.

We lived together, had our routines, animals, our apartment, we cooked together, watched TV together, eventually honored Shabbat together, and just had that mundane kind of closeness that I think we both took for granted until it disappeared..

The relationship wasn’t simply bad. There was a lot of love and there were genuinely good parts, but there were also recurring problems that slowly wore us down. There were serious breaches of trust, including cheating, that happened during the relationship. We tried to move past them, but I don’t think something like that just disappears. It changed the way I experienced the relationship and contributed to insecurity, resentment, and difficulty trusting each other. We tried couples therapy and to get closer through connecting with our relationship with Judaism but I just didn’t seem to work for us in the end.

There were also differences in how we approached responsibility and decision-making, and we both had our own struggles and neurodivergenceces that made communication harder when we were overwhelmed. I don’t want to make this into a story where one person was completely at fault, because that’s not really how it felt. At the same time, I don’t want to minimize the things that hurt me just because I still love him.
I think what ultimately hurt the most is that we were trying to build a life together, come into tradition together but without ever really having the chance to figure out how to be a couple outside of survival mode. We went straight into living together and dealing with bills, work, family, stress, and all the mundane responsibilities of adulthood. Somewhere along the way, the relationship became more about maintaining the life we had than enjoying each other.

Recently after finding out about another spell of infidelity I finally ended it, I went to stay at my moms, he packed his stuff and in a couple days he was gone along with all of his things, it all felt incredibly abrupt, it still does.

One day I had this person coming home to me, food in the kitchen, Friday night dinner, an occasional visit to temple, our apartment, our routines, and this little shared world. Then suddenly I was alone and the future I had mentally built around that relationship was just… gone.

And that’s the part I’m struggling with now. I don’t necessarily miss every aspect of the relationship, and I know there were reasons it couldn’t continue. But I miss having a person. I miss the familiarity. I miss walking through the door and knowing someone was there. I miss having someone to cook for, watch something with, complain to, and just exist beside.
I’ve also realized how isolated I’ve become. I spent a long time putting so much of my emotional world into this relationship that when it ended, I didn’t just lose my boyfriend—I lost a huge portion of my social life and my sense of home.

I’m trying to accept that the fact that I miss him and the life we had doesn’t necessarily mean we should get back together. It can mean that something was meaningful and that I’m grieving it.

Right now I’m trying to figure out who I am outside of the relationship, rebuild my social world, continue to foster a relationship with Judaism, & since my boyfriend was the Jewish one I feel a bit of imposter syndrome when choosing to still engage with Shabbat & the High Holidays but these traditions have become important to me as well now so I don’t want to just let them go… :/

I’ve also been thinking of possibly making a major change in environment because I don’t think staying exactly where I am is necessarily helping me heal. I’m scared of starting over, but there’s also a part of me that thinks maybe starting over is exactly what I need.

I guess I’m posting because I don’t really need someone to tell me whether I should get back together with him. I think I’m trying to learn how to grieve a relationship that wasn’t simply bad, but also wasn’t sustainable—and how to build a life that feels full again after losing the person who used to be at the center of it.

Hi

About a year and a half ago I started to get really close to Judaism. I was raised in a traditional but not religious house- mostly in kiddushin and holidays. Then I discovered songs and piyuttim that I just thought were so beautiful and I learned ideas that I loved - ideas about hope and then the belief that one day, the geulah will come and everyone will be happy. Then I started thinking about stuff like life, love, nature- beautiful things that MUST have a reason behind them. And I liked the belief of a loving Hashem creating all that is good. And I started to believe.

Just one problem, I am attracted to men, as a man. I told myself "it's fine, I'll have time to sort it all out, try here and there and see what I like, and then I'll see how it fits with Judaism"

I then thought to myself "I'll read the Torah, see the base of the base of belief, and decide if I want to get into Judaism"

And so I read the Torah and I didn't really like the passages in Leviticus, from the korbanot to of course the stuff about homosexuality and crossdeessing. But the problem is that now my belief is too strong, and instead of that initial idea of deciding if I want to get into Judaism, I can't back down from believing in the Torah...

So now I'm kind of stuck... I don't even know if I'm attracted to women and I'm scared of trying a relationship with a woman since like negiah and stuff and of course scared of trying with a man, as much as I feel like I want to.

And I think a sad thing about this is that a part of why I got close to the religion is believing in an all-loving Hashem and now I'm scared...

My main conflict, and the main answer I'd like to get from this post is, "if I ignore the passage in Leviticus, how can I follow and believe in the rest of the Torah?"

I should mention that this is about the Torah. With all respect to the sages and rabbis, first I want to "be okay" with the Torah, and then I'll deal with halakha.

Also, I know about the interpretations of the passages saying that it's like because it was a ritual at the time, and I'd like to believe that, but I just can't for some reason... I would be interested in a study about it though if it has solid evidence and research

Thank you

I want to expand my queer friendshio circle but I live in central Jersey and it's kinda mid out here.

Hi everyone,

Same Jackie who asked (last year I think) about a new Jewish name as part of transitioning. I decided to go with Alleah, since I've already been using that name for video game characters. It just felt comfortable. And thank you to everyone to added their input the last time.

I know there aren't trans specific ceremonies, but are there ceremonies out there that could be used to affirm the new name? (And maybe is it time we created such a celebration?)

Thank You,
Jackie L/Alleah (CrazyZonie)

Dm me if you can

Hi everyone, I will be visiting NYC for the first time this September. I want to consume as much culture as possible while I am there and would love some local recommendations.

I am really interested in checking out the local music and nightlife scene. I am open to rock, electronic, classical, and modern, basically anything as long as the music is actually good. I am interested mainly in independent alternative events.

I would also love to explore the queer scene. However, given the current climate and strictly for my own peace of mind and safety, I am looking for welcoming spaces (Jewish) that do not define themselves as anti-Zionist.

Thanks in advance for any tips.

Hi, I know this isn't necessarily a convert subreddit but it is a queer subreddit so I'm looking for a little help. I'm very interested in exploring Judaism but I'm having trouble getting in constant communication with the local Reform Synagogue. So I thought lets try the orthodox ones unfortunately they have a dress code and while I have no problem covering my elbows I'm AFAB non-Binary and get severely upset wearing skirts.

Does anyone have any suggestions for clothes that follow the dress code? I know the obvious answer here is "wear trousers under the skirt" but that is still rough for me. If there ISN'T a work around please just say and I'll try a bit harder to get in contact with the local Reform Synagogue.

Hello. This is a sincere question which I hope can be allowed here. So I have queer Jewish friends who invite me now and then for shabbat. Personally I’ve contemplated converting and was cautioned that even born Jews who are gay experience getting turned away from the synagogue (individual policies vary).

It‘s not that I intend to out myself to every single person or carry the rainbow flag; rather, I want to be able to be authentic and not constantly be cautious about hiding this central part of my being.

I’m interested to hear your experiences, if that’s okay

For this bi-weekly post, we shift focus to create a space for folks to talk, even if the subject is not specifically LGBTQ/Jewish-focused. As a space made up primarily of LGBTQ+ Jews, we hope this will be a good place to find and provide support with all that's going on in the world right now.

Please note: Our quality standards and expectations of civility are still in place, and this isn't a thread for name-calling or insults. This is a place to process feelings and be in community with each other and share what's on your mind.

Shabbat shalom!

I’m a mizhrahi jew in a country where there aren’t many jews, and whenever I meet one they’re ashkenazi. I feel kinda lonely because I probably never will meet anyone like me in real life, especially in my university. To add more im a lesbian and i’ve never meet any LGBTQ jew in person.. I wish i could be in a place with more people like me.
Since im not religiously jewish, everything is more on the cultural and ethnic side, but id love to hear some responses to my lonely gay mizahri story lol

I recently came out of the chareidi world and one of the things I'm really struggling with is trying to speak to Hashem about the gay relationship I'm now in. I have this intense fear that if I ask Him to help me with my relationship then He will just end it because "that's really what's best for me", it's like I still have it hard-wired into my brain that being gay is wrong, even though I dont believe it, and that Hashem will use my tefillos against me and take away the person I'm in love with, but I know Hashem isn't evil, chas veshalom, and doesn't play mind games. I'm just terrified of "getting what I asked for", I remember a rav once telling me that the best thing two gay people can do if they love each other is not be together because that's the greatest expression of love. Like hearing that was so traumatising and has seriously messed me up, like I obviously trusted him at the time and actually foolishly agreed with what he said. And now that I'm coming out of it all, it feels like everyone who loved me in the community only loved me for the version of myself that I showed them.

I just feel so alone in the world at the moment and I don't know how to find my way

If anyone has any advice I would be very grateful, and if anyone would be willing to maybe be friends with me and we can support each other through this stuff that would be amazing. My partner isn't Jewish so a lot of the chareidi stuff he really doesn't understand. Feel free to DM me if you'd be up to chat :)

Hi all. I’m 31F, my girlfriend is 28F and Jewish; I’m not. She’s not out to her family. I hope it’s okay to post here; I’d rather learn from people who’ve actually lived this than keep guessing from the outside.

I’m mostly curious how it’s gone for those of you who dated someone outside the community while still closeted at home. Did it make things harder? How did you handle family expectations about dating and marriage in the meantime? And for anyone who eventually came out — what shifted, what made it possible? For those who haven’t, what does making it work day to day actually look like?
I’m not asking whether to stay. I love her and I’m here. I just want to understand this better and be a good partner in it.
Thanks for reading.