The Holiest Roller

[u/Otherwise_Basis_6328]

[u/FeistyBeautiful9649]

Gods love this stuff, can’t get enough. Roll 5km for them, raise your arm for 30 years, grow your finger nails for 50 years. This will please them greatly. Can’t see why they wouldn’t want these things

[u/GourangaPlusPlus → u/FeistyBeautiful9649]

"ah bro, you got the roller, that's a rare as fuck drop"

[u/KawaiiNibba → u/FeistyBeautiful9649]

Tbh if I were a god I would find this shit sick. The others not so much, I would just check on them every 5 years and say “yup, arm still up and nail still growing, anyway”

[u/FeistyBeautiful9649 → u/KawaiiNibba]

Imagine spending your entire adult life standing up or refusing to shave or wash or cut fingernails or some other stupid thing and you finally die and God sends one of his admins out to see you “Excuse me Ramesh, bad news, God said you got a little creepy down on Earth wouldn’t clean your balls for 58 years in his name, yeah this is awkward but he won’t see you, says you give him the ick”

[u/kyleliner → u/KawaiiNibba]

Add to the list the guy who kept standing as well. It actually looks sick (the awful kind), like his feet have swollen so bad that it could be on the verge, if not already, of necrosis

[u/Lava-Chicken → u/FeistyBeautiful9649]

God. Sitting on his throne in heaven. Looking around the earth. Bored of the animals. Bored of the songs people sing. Bored of all the shameless sexual escapades. Bored of the violence and suffering. Maybe it's time to restart the game of earth and start a fresh realm. Feeling nostalgic about the good old days when dinosaurs roamed the earth, wondering if this next earth run should be dino dominated for a longer period.

Just before restarting, God glances briefly at India.

"what's this? Someone is rolling to a temple? Holy Lucifer, this is the stuff I've been waiting for!"

God decides to continue this earth run a little longer. The rolling was pretty damn awesome. Maybe the humans do something else crazy next.

[u/magicsqueegee → u/FeistyBeautiful9649]

"As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were winning." Exodus 17:11

Look man I don't care what culture you're from, gods fucking LOVE raised arms.

[u/S3erverMonkey → u/FeistyBeautiful9649]

Terri Pratchett, is that you?

[u/aldorn → u/FeistyBeautiful9649]

How about play video games for 10 hours and drink beer?

[u/Yogshemesh → u/FeistyBeautiful9649]

I mean, they're some of the hardest people to shop for in the universe. Gotta get creative.

[u/Liercat18 → u/FeistyBeautiful9649]

Hold your poop in for 1 year is what they really want.

[u/SugardaddyDragon]

As dumb as it is, that is a very supportive friend group

[u/Kelimnac → u/SugardaddyDragon]

After awhile it has to just be a fun outing with your buddies to accomplish an insane goal

[u/psinguine → u/Kelimnac]

I can see the YouTuber thumbnail now.

[u/Brief-Equal4676 → u/SugardaddyDragon]

He's rolling deep

[u/DrunkenAsparagus → u/SugardaddyDragon]

I think people just like doing weird shit. In another social milleu, they'd ostensibly be doing something like this for "social media clout" instead of for religion. We are born to lollygag, but forced to lock in.

[u/Dodo224 → u/SugardaddyDragon]

Bro, that's his slaves

[u/AmbitiousCry449]

I honestly think placing the Mats is more impressive than rolling

[u/FilthyPuns → u/AmbitiousCry449]

Yeah the crew is working harder than the roller.

[u/darksaturn543]

At first I thought, To what end

But then I considered that I would also like to roll a comical distance if provided the option, ideal up hill both ways so I can flex on the kids later in life.

Also those mat guys are the real hero's, look at em go

[u/TheLastGenXer → u/darksaturn543]

their task looks much harder

[u/Nervous-Ship3972]

They see me rolling

[u/Nudelwalker → u/Nervous-Ship3972]

They laying

[u/sexy-man-doll → u/Nudelwalker]

And I'm rolling on by cause I'm dusty and dizzy

[u/Doschupacabras]

Soccer players going to church

[u/Adventurous_Cup8055]

Religion is a helluva drug

[u/soypepito]

True believers would do that without matts. And naked.

This guy is just a poser.

[u/Kamikazeguy7 → u/soypepito]

Don't bring your kinks into this

[u/Rammipallero]

Bro is well on his way training for the next FIFA world cup I see.

[u/high_dutchyball02]

Ya know, this is what "boys will be boys" means

[u/Hefty_Fortune_8850]

This was recorded on a Smartphone. We've had people on the moon. We've dropped bombs that level entire cities and can basically recreate the human brain digitally. And there's people who do this.

[u/magicsqueegee → u/Hefty_Fortune_8850]

Yeah but has anyone rolled across the moon? Checkmate liberal.

[u/lokcer79]

Petrol getting too expensive

[u/datthighs]

Dumb and stupid things that only religion would motivate and / or drive people into.

[u/Ricardo33706]

I'd rather do the rolling than be one of those guys running 30km around and around with sheets of carpet.

[u/Spawko]

If they are blasting this song the whole way they are really missing out

Mother Love Bone-. Holy Roller https://youtu.be/pRW-frHcJ-k?si=nbnV-85AgMLdUiOk

[u/Sidus_Preclarum]

That's just Neymar during a game.

[u/tom_lusti]

This is so stupid. Jeez.

[u/DiaDeLosMuertos]

I like the song

[u/farfly7]

It looks like he had the easiest part of this job

[u/felinefluffycloud]

Keep rollin rollin 🎶

[u/RemoDev]

And people question why aliens don't invade us...

[u/peekingmightyduck]

Only little g gods will tell people to do this 🤦🏻‍♂️ We need Jesus, guys