Since theres been an uptake in adult diagnosis, I feel like a lot of adults being diagnosed or seeking diagnosis have a more mild form of ADHD, not just being inattentive. Maybe because the mild presentation was easier to look past in childhood, that would make sense. But Im wondering if thats just my perception or if doctors think the group of people becoming newly diagnosed where/are just as impaired as the group being diagnosed previously before 2020, or if more mild cases are coming to surface. Do you also think there are actually an under diagnosis for girls or is it just that XX chromosomes are less vulnerable… been thinking about that too

I haven't gone to a professional in 3ish years and I have some hard lines for psychiatrists given my previous experiences. I really don't want someone who believes in god, refuses to acknowledge social gender vs physical sex or tries to justify parental abuse with "they're your parents" type of talk because I have seen it happen to others and me. How do I exactly find a psychiatrist who's right for me without like going to an appointment and be like 🧍‍♀️"can you answer these questions for me real quick" because I'm pretty sure this can't be the right way for me to act?

32, AFAB, taking semaglutide, omeprazole, and clomipramine. I vape nicotine, no other substance use.

Physical diagnoses: PMOS (IUD and semaglutide 1.5mg), IBS-D, and functional nausea/vomiting (omeprazole 20mg).

Mental health diagnoses: ASD, ADHD, PTSD, OCD (clomipramine 125mg), AUD (sober), and severe treatment-resistant MDD.

Timeline:
- 2004: Depressive symptoms started at age 10
- 2006: MDD diagnosed by PCP at age 12
- 2012: Sought treatment at age 18 - I have been in weekly therapy since the and this is also when I started taking SSRIs
- 2012-2021: Cycled through various medications without relief while symptoms continued to worsen throughout the years
- 2021: Had a neuropsych evaluation due to both my therapist and psychiatrist suspecting ASD and left with ZERO diagnoses, not even depression or anxiety, which my therapist and psychiatrist disagreed with
- 2022: Full round of IV ketamine with mild improvement
- 2023: First round of TMS with relief from all symptoms lasting for two months, started oral ketamine when symptoms returned
- 2024: The “episodes” started (will describe below), hospitalized twice due to episodes, second round of TMS without improvement, second neuropsych evaluation due to both hospitals suspecting ASD and received all the diagnoses I listed above, sleep study that was normal except my average latency on the MSLT was <1 minute
- 2025: Continued episodes, 30-day residential treatment, started clomipramine for OCD - with vast improvement, came off all other psychiatric medications due to ineffectiveness, got sober from alcohol during residential
- 2026: Completed PHP and two rounds of IOP with improvement of all symptoms improving besides the “episodes”

The episodes:
- I basically shut down anywhere from a few days to a few weeks
- Constant sleep (sometimes up to 21 hours/day) - at best, it is very difficult to stay awake and at worst, it’s completely impossible
- Difficulty moving my body except for my eyes
- Difficulty speaking - sometimes I can’t speak at all even when I’m trying
- Difficulty eating and drinking
- When awake, I mostly just lay and stare at the ceiling
- Very little thoughts - no intrusive or delusional thoughts, only abnormal thoughts are the occasional suicidal ones
- No emotion
- I believe I remember everything, though there’s just not much happening to remember
- I do not care about anything at all and there’s nothing in the world that can motivate me to be interested in doing anything
- I can usually manage to drink enough water to stay out of the ER and eat one microwaved meal a day

Medications I’ve taken with the highest dosages I was on:
- SSRIs: citalopram 60mg, escitalopram 20mg, fluoxetine 80mg, sertraline 200mg, fluvoxamine 200mg, vortioxetine 20mg
- SNRIs: bupropion 150mg (developed seizures while taking this so never tried any other SNRIs)
- TCAs: amitryptyline 150mg, clomipramine 125mg
- Mood stabilizers: lamotragine 300mg
- Antipsychotics: aripiprazole 20mg, lurasidone 40mg, mirtazapine 30mg
- Stimulants: lisdexamfetamine 30mg, methamphetamine salts 30mg
- Others: gabapentin 2700mg, hydroxyzine 50mg, prazosin 2mg, propranolol 60mg, ketamine 100mg

Just thought I would throw this out there and see if anyone has any thoughts. I think my episodes are more consistent with something neurological rather than depression.

Thank you.

Hi,

I am a family member seeking to learn insight into the somatic symptoms of psychosis, specifically the symptom of pain. Previously diagnosed with CRPS, however after an inpatient admission, the neurology team, psychiatry and physiotherapist all unanimously agree that this is a form of psychosis (first episode of psychosis)

I am seeking to learn more about how and why this can be considered a "delusion" and if this is a correct diagnosis, will antipsychotics completely reverse the pain?

I will try to TL;DR this.

I am trying to apply for MBIWD at JFS.

I have to see a psychiatrist one way or the other.

They scheduled a state consecutive exam( 4 hour long psychiatric evaluation) despite already having seen one in 2023. I have pushed the CE back to end of the month because I am TERRIFIED of going. I don't want to go. At all.

I scheduled an annual physical exam at the local clinic in hopes I can get the Basic Medical form filled and signed.

I am also willing to pay for a 30 minute follow up appointment with my psychiatrist to fill out and sign the mental health assessment form (which is over virtual call.)

I'd rather have to spend 30 minutes at the local clinic which beats 4 hours at an evaluation. To me, it's an interrogation.

I have a short laundry list of diagnosis and my psychiatrist evaluation is from 2023.

Idk what to do and I would like opinions. Thank you in advance and please be respectful.

I'm in a difficult situation right now. I have schizophrenia, bipolar (mixed states mostly) and probably also still have ADHD. I will got to prison soon and it will be quite difficult for me because I have quite big issues with cognition, like I got speaking issues with some aphasia, problems with long-term and short-term memory and big difficulties concentrating in the conversations due to negative and cognitive symptoms involving schizophrenia. I possibly have some brain damage from past concussions, but I had that for most of my life so it's nothing new. I'm quite dumb often when speaking with my psychiatrist and for the forensic evaluation and speaking part with the police, I would really need something to help with cognition... I'm just really concerned that due to my negative and cognitive symptoms the answers will be flawed, not properly spoken and especially the fear that I forgot most things that happened surrounding my crime offenses, that I won't be able to properly defend myself with speaking for my part etc. I once had a very small sample for Abilify and it helped a little bit with that but it was a very small dose. Last year I got prescribed Clozapine and Abilify, but due to Depression, Anxiety and OCD my psychiatrist wants to add Zoloft and put the Abilify away because I don’t like being on too many meds immediately at the same time. Now I'm a little concerned because Abilify might be better for treating the cognitive symptoms, is that right or does Clozapine also help with that? I thought I could keep the Abilify, but only for the psychiatric evaluation surrounding the police, and I would want to stop it after that because for the other issues I prefer the Zoloft. Now I really don't know what to do and I'm panicking a bit. Maybe I can remove the Abilify but keep it as a reserve medication for when I will speak with the police department? I'm just really concerned that because some details that I can't articulate surrounding my criminal offenses I might have to wait a year or so longer, wich would really be a bummer... I hope somebody can help me or give me advice.

hello i’m 20F, i haven’t posted much on here, so sorry if i don’t do this correctly and if this is very messy. i’m feeling really lost and really need some advice.

so basically here’s my situation. i’ve been seeing my current psychiatrist for almost a year now and i really like her, but i kinda feel like i haven’t been fully honest with her. or kind of like im lying about my symptoms? for some background info, the first thing i was ever prescribed was zoloft which i eventually got switched off of, to wellbutrin and then got prescribed vyvanse back in may. over the summer i was put back on zoloft until recently, when i brought up to my psychiatrist that i think i might be bipolar. i have since stopped taking zoloft and am now on 50 mg of lamictal.

i know 50 mg of lamictal is a low dose but i don’t have my next appointment until october. after the appointment where i said i think im bipolar, i saw my health records where it mentioned that i disclosed symptoms that weren’t there before/ i didn’t disclose them before. and idk it just made me think like during the initial intake evaluation i dont think i was fully honest with her with what i was feeling/going through. it was my first time ever seeking out mental health support and i’ve never talked about my mental health issues with anyone ever before. so now i feel like im not being fully truthful about what ive been experiencing, or like im trying to modify my answers to get the response i want.

like maybe im not bipolar, maybe its bpd? or something else? but i feel like im trying to self diagnose or something, like ive seen things about bipolar symptoms and im telling her thats what im experiencing so i can get a bipolar diagnosis. idk if any of this is making sense, id give more detail but this is already so long.

ig what i’m asking/saying is that would it be ok to see a new psychiatrist and just like start fresh? i feel like my current psychiatrist knows me too well and i feel like im just trying to collect diagnosis so now it’s like i feel like im backtracking or contradicting things ive said in the past that now its just like im making up the whole thing. but id feel bad for leaving, she’s a really good psychiatrist and we’ve just started this whole bipolar process, like would i have to say something before i switched? how would i even go about that without it sounding horrible? i keep thinking of just quitting my meds (other than vyvanse cus i feel like it’s actually doing something) like i just need to restart from scratch.

i just want someone to tell me what’s wrong with me, like am i doing things so that i could say i have the symptoms of a disorder, or do i actually have a disorder that’s causing these symptoms? or are the symptoms medically induced, like antidepressants causing mania-like symptoms. or maybe there’s nothing wrong with me, and this is just who i am, and im just trying to use mental illness as an excuse/explanation for the things i do/think/and feel.

sorry this is so long and seems more like a vent, i just don’t really have anyone to talk to about this. thanks

Can a professional psychiatrist or psychologist reach out to me on dm. Need to discuss this. I can’t pay I am sorry, I don’t come from a household where they would understand this issue.

28M. Trying to understand whether what I'm experiencing is my psychiatric diagnoses or something cognitive on top of them.

History, abbreviated: sepsis, several months of cumulative hospitalization, multiple major surgeries, cancer treatment, and roughly four years on clozapine for a diagnosis later confirmed to be wrong, ending in an abrupt inpatient discontinuation. Diagnoses: depression, OCD, PTSD, social anxiety, panic disorder. Currently on clonazepam and prazosin. Trial history is one SSRI (sertraline, significant blunting) and one SNRI (increased anxiety). TMS consult scheduled.

After the medical events, family independently noticed I seemed cognitively changed. The most striking thing is that my tolerance for change collapsed. A disrupted routine or an unexpected demand derails me in a way it never did before. I also have persistent concentration and processing problems. Both have stayed constant regardless of mood and haven't moved with treatment.

My questions are whether prolonged critical illness and years of unnecessary antipsychotic exposure are things a neuropsychologist could actually distinguish from depression on testing, whether timing matters relative to TMS, and whether this pattern is one you'd expect to see attributed to mood or investigated separately.

I've already requested the eval from my psychiatrist. Mostly trying to understand how clinicians think about this.

Long story short, got Ramsay-Hunt syndrome, and something went wrong. Wound up with a cane and cognitive issues. Everyone who is not a neurologist thinks it's neurological (e.g. viral encephalopathy). But all neurologists except for the last one think it's "psychiatric". Last neurologist was from the neurological research hospital told me it's not psychiatric but he doesn't know what I have. He said they've known for hundreds of years these things happen, but no one is interested or wants to touch the topic since COVID. He said due to protocol all post-viral complaints had to be called psychiatric and best he could do was no diagnosis.

Anyways. The cognitive report from the same research hospital attributes it to the Ramsay-Hunt (only same-sided cognitive deficits, bad leg is contralateral) and recommended biphenthin as I'm an academic researcher and my Matrix reasoning is still 99th percentile, it's just I have real visual deficits (like 6th percentile). Other side of brain is stronger than previous eval so they have proof I'm already figuring out strategies. The psychiatrist who previously cleared me has been handling that since it's off label.

Low dose (15), has made a HUGE difference. It doesn't solve the deficits but my god I was so tired I really didn't realize how tired I was. Even on biphenthin I still take naps, but it's just I have more than just two hours worth of energy. Great success!

My question is how safe is this long term? I don't have long covid but the advice with that whole segment of post-viral victims is "don't do it". And the truth is that I am very much fully aware I am very tired and the biphenthin is just artificial energy. But right now I have no idea why I would want to live without it. I have my life back. Well, what's left of it.

I trust my psychiatrist very much, it's just that well it's the first psychiatrist I see and I've never had ADHD so this is all very new to me. I would like to hear from other psychiatrists (and patients too) as to whether this is what you would prescribe? I do have cardiac issues since the Ramsay-Hunt and so getting cleared by cardiology was the hardest part, and yes we're still monitoring. So far it has not noticeably increased my blood pressure compared to its "mostly controlled" baseline.

I am currently taking 2mg Risperidone and 150mg Oxcarbazepine and i am having brain fog and feeling that i am dumb and my brain is slower will my brain return to as it was before Risperidone and Oxcarbazepine after stopping it or that's permanent?

Hi, I have a question about a possible side effect of Seroquel (quetiapine).
About four months ago, I was prescribed 25 mg for sleep, which was later increased to 50 mg. I initially took it only occasionally, but once I started taking 50 mg consistently every day, I developed severe inflammatory acne within a few weeks, mainly on my cheeks, lower cheeks, jawline, neck, chest and upper back.

Could Seroquel be causing or worsening my acne? I also stopped my Roaccutane course around the same time, so I’m not sure whether the acne is related to stopping Roaccutane or to starting Seroquel. However, my acne is now much more severe and affects different areas than the acne I had before starting Roaccutane.

I am currently using doxycycline and topical tretinoin for my acne, but I’m still experiencing significant breakouts.
If Seroquel is contributing to the acne, how quickly could I expect my skin to improve after stopping it?
I’m considering stopping or switching Seroquel because the acne has become severe enough that I’ve been avoiding leaving the house for about a month and a half.
I would really appreciate your advice.

Im in medschool I have ADHD and RLS. Theres nothing | havent tried. Ive read all the books and tried all the meditations. The only reason I was able to get through and pass the mcat was because I was able to get modafinil. In medical school its been hard because ive been able to do nothing but sit infront of my ipad and I get 1 hr of studying done for every 10 hours I try to focus. Ive tried to reach out for help towards the PHP, lines, my student counselers, urgent care, primary care, literally everyone. PHP never even called me back. Everyone is telling me I will only be able to get the meds I need a few months from now aka after I finish medschool or maybe not if im • before that.
Ive tried self medicating w buproprion, muca puriens etc and they help me focus better but then my sleep gets fed. I was able to pass all the units till neurology. I got a 54 in cardiology i cant tell my parents i dont want to disappoint them and they have problems of their own. The only way i pass this unit is if i get 96 on the pulm exam and i dont see a way to do that esp if i dont get the medication i need.
Theres nothing I havent tried Im tired I just wanted to leave this as a letter in case i do end up • (not saying i will but im considering it might be my fate to do so because it will maybe help the next medical student thats going through the same thing as me) and also it any psychiatrists have any other solutions if im not meant to •. Ive accepted this and i dont think i will because i dont want to upset my family but if i do on accident through self medicating or lack of sleep then thats whats meant to happen and I wanted to leave this as a note

Had a binge drink sessin over that last few days.

I had my last drink about 11 this norming

How long do these fast?

I have been recently diagnosed with bipolar 2 with mixed features. For context, all my episodes are mixed.

I have been prescribed lamotrigine, I am currently on 200mg and I am waiting to see how it helps with my episodes.

I have done some light digging and have seen that it particularly helps with preventing bipolar depression, and I'm wondering how it helps with the hypomanic side, especially with my episodes being predominantly mixed.

I’ve been taking oxcarbazepine as a mood stabilizer for a bit over two years now with no problem but after recently upping my dosage (I now take 450 mg in the morning and 450 mg again in the afternoon) I’ve started experiencing some heart problems. I can’t have caffeine period anymore or I feel like I’m having a heart attack which is a bummer but not the end of the world. But I also can’t do any sort of physical activity without getting heart palpitations and when I take hot showers my heart speeds up and I feel palpitations to the point I think I’m going to pass out. The medication is working well to stabilize my moods so I don’t want to stop taking it but this side effect does suck. I think I could live with it though and just take cold showers and stay away from stuff that spikes my heart rate. I don’t know if this is concerning though? Could it cause any lasting problem?

It’s been a rough couple of weeks with stress and insomnia. As a result, I’ve gotten up in the middle of the night a number of times to take an extra clonazepam tablet, figuring I’d just cut back by a half tablet for the next few days to “make up the difference”. Well, you can probably figure out how that went, and I now find myself in the unfortunate position of being out of clonazepam five days before it is eligible for renewal. My current dosage is 3 mg/day; I only had 2 mg left yesterday, took them, and so far I feel fine (other than worrying about what the next five days will bring). The prescription is written by a psychiatric nurse practitioner who I have telehealth sessions with either once or twice a month, depending on how I’m doing. There is absolutely NO way I can tell him about this because I did this once before, it was a huge ordeal, I had to switch pharmacies just to get it refilled early (CVS won’t do it, even if the prescriber changes the dose) and he was extremely mad at me. He said if I ever did it again we would have to “reevaluate our therapeutic relationship”, which I took to mean that he would fire me as his patient.
I’d love to hear from anyone who’s been through this—I’ve read all about the horrible side effects of abrupt withdrawal, but I also know that clonazepam has a long half life, so I’m thinking I probably won’t start feeling shitty for at least another day or two? My plan, since I don’t see any other options, is to ride it out for the next five days. I kind of feel like I deserve it, since I’m the one who caused the problem. Still, if anyone has any advice as to how I can make the next five days more bearable (are there any supplements that help with withdrawal symptoms?) I’d really appreciate hearing from you. Thanks in advance.

Let me preface this by saying, that I know it's very "trendy" these days to self-diagnose this kind of stuff, I'm not at all claiming to have ADHD or anything like that, I'm just curious, wondering how likely I am to have ADHD. Here's a list of things about me that are perhaps relevant. (yes, I used AI, to summarize it for me)

Test results:

1. ASRS v1.1 (Adult ADHD Self-Report Scale)

1. ASRS-5 (Adult ADHD Self-Report Screening Scale) — Score: 17 out of 24. This version has no official clinical cutoff (it's used as a continuous predictor), but 17/24 is a high proportion of the maximum score, consistent with the ASRS v1.1 result.

2. WURS-25 (Wender Utah Rating Scale) Score: 57 out of 100. Positive screen threshold: 36+. Result: clearly above threshold — positive screen for childhood ADHD symptoms. Highest-rated items included: nervous/fidgety, temper outbursts, low frustration tolerance, concentration problems/easily distracted, inattentive/daydreaming, stubborn, disobedient/rebellious, low self-opinion, guilty feelings.

Self-Reported Observations Childhood / adolescence (ages ~14–18):

• Talked excessively in class, to the point of not noticing social cues that the room wanted him to stop — recalls specific instances of realizing mid-conversation that the whole class had gone silent and was waiting.

• Does not recall general personality traits from earlier childhood (before age ~14); memory of that period is largely blank beyond this specific pattern.

Attention / task management:

• Struggles to stick to tasks, even ones that are objectively easy.

• Frequently starts multiple projects/activities (including video games) and abandons them within days, even when there is a genuine desire to finish.

• Experiences “task-initiation paralysis” — e.g. coming home and sitting on the bed for an hour without taking shoes off, mindlessly scrolling on phone, before doing anything else including things he wants to do.

Substance use patterns:

• Drinks energy drinks daily (~750ml/day).

• Smokes cigarettes daily (~8–10/day).

• Watches pornography daily.

• Reports little to no subjective effect from caffeine (no noticeable energy lift).

• Reports little to no subjective effect from nicotine (no noticeable buzz/relaxation) despite daily use.

• Reports little to no subjective high from cannabis (used a couple of times).

• Notes these substances are used more for sensory/ritual enjoyment (taste, the physical act of smoking) than for any felt effect.

Nicotine-specific pattern:

• Does not experience a building physical “wanting” to smoke — can smoke at any time without a felt urge driving it.

• Can go weeks without cigarettes with no felt withdrawal, sometimes not thinking about it for days at a time.

• When cigarettes come back to mind after a period of not smoking, the urge/difficulty resisting increases from that point — craving seems to be triggered by remembering/being reminded rather than by a physical signal.

Appetite / eating patterns:

• Frequently forgets to eat proper meals, sometimes going through most of a day on minimal food.

• This pattern of minimal food intake can repeat across multiple consecutive days, not just isolated single days.

Sleep:

• Typically sleeps 9–10 hours rather than the more typical 7–8.

• Reports feeling more energetic after ~2 hours of sleep than after 4–6 hours of sleep

I feel like I've lost track by that point. Every since I turned 18 I've been precribed so many different medications. It's been ten years now.

Escitalopram/Seroplex, Duloxetine, Zoloft, Vortioxetine.

Depakote, Quetiapine, Cyamemazine, Aripiprazole, Risperidone.

Oxazepam, Prazepam, Bromazepam, Diazepam.

Zopiclone, Alimemazine.

Now methylphenidate (among others).

Frankly it's ranged from terrible to just mid/just ok the point that I'm a bit desperate. I've been running into psych institing on trying the same drugs over again. How common is that sort of resistance ?

I was prescribed sulpiride 50 mg, and I’m wondering what I should expect from it. Has anyone here had experience with this dose, especially for anxiety or OCD?
My biggest concerns are an increase in prolactin levels, breast milk production (galactorrhea), menstrual irregularities, and especially weight gain. I’m really scared of gaining weight, whether from an increased appetite or from changes in metabolism that could lead to weight gain regardless of how much I eat.
From what I’ve read online, 50 mg is considered a very low dose, so I’m wondering whether these side effects are less likely at this dose compared with higher doses.
For those who have experience with sulpiride 50 mg, what should I expect? Did you notice any changes in your appetite, weight, menstrual cycle, or prolactin levels? And how did you feel overall after starting it?
I’d really appreciate hearing about your experiences, especially regarding weight gain and hormonal side effects, as these are my biggest concerns.
Thank you in advance to everyone who shares their experience!

Hello!

I’ve finally started my… journey 😅 I’m currently on paroxetine and prazepam for GAD and PTSD related to some traumatic family and relationship experiences, as well as past substance/drug abuse.

So far, I’ve noticed that time feels like it’s going by much faster. I’m not constantly worrying about time anymore, and I can finally do normal things around the house/work without that feeling that something is wrong. It’s honestly such a relief.

I’m still struggling with some grogginess and a somewhat numb feeling, though. If anyone has been through something similar, I’d really appreciate hearing your experiences or any advice. Does this usually get better with time? Thank you so much in advance. ❤️

Took 100mg quetiapine by mistake (AM) with my usual tablets 30mg paraoxetine and 200mg carbamazepine.
I threw up within 5 mins
Should I retake my usual am tablets and is it safe to take my quetiapine at night like I normally would.

About six years ago give or take I was in California, I did heavy drugs I wasn't familiar with, and wound up in drug induced psychosis walking around for about a week. I wound up a patient at Aurora Charter Oak Behavioral Hospital, didn't know my own name, I remember sleeping, eating, being given "house smokes" and being put on medication they said my gf told them I was on, being tied down to beds for freaking out about not knowing what was going on, being verbally abused by staff and then released back to the streets in a state I didn't even know how to tie my shoes in (literally). I didn't know where I was and somehow made it through alive but I've spent the last five years piecing myself back together and my memories.

The issue is, my gf was my abuser and half the reason I was in that state (I say half because I chose to take drugs. I didn't choose to be given 3x the normal dose). I wasn't psychiatrically prescribed any medication for years at that point and the medication she told them (Sertraline, Seroquel 200mg, and Benadryl) was dangerous to give to me three times a day like the hospital was. They never spent 1x1 time with me as a patient trying to figure out who I was or what was going on with me.

I have spent the last five years piecing my life back together. I want to sue them but I don't know if I have a case or how to make one. I feel like I am owed my life, or some payment back for what happened to me. I have never been okay since, physically and mentally I am different, and it started in California with those drugs and worsened in that hospital. I need to know what I should do here

Hello, my brain isn't experiencing any kind of

stimulation. I don't feel that sensation in the brain responsible for personality, arousal, and emotions. I feel like that's the only way I can form memories. I have never had any mental illnesses or traumas. Drugs, stimulants and caffeine could give me a sense of personality for a moment. At the same time, the enormous sleepiness and fatigue disappeared and my IQ and information processing returned to the social norm and was even much above average. Any ideas what this could be? Blood tests only show testosterone deficiency. MRI scans are normal.

I wanted to ask about my benzodiazepine addiction. I’ve been addicted to benzos since 2017. I’ve managed to get off clonazepam and Xanax for pretty long periods of time before, but I still feel like I don’t really know how to live without them.
It started when I was a teenager and some friends gave me clonazepam to try. I have OCD and I’ve been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, and at the time I was going through a really severe episode, or actually several of them, which eventually led to psychosis, regular hospital visits, etc. When I took clonazepam, it felt like literally everything was fixed. For the first time it felt like I’d found an actual medicine for all my problems.
Ever since then, for the past 9 years, I’ve kept falling back into periods of heavy use where I eventually lose control of my life. One of the worst ones lasted about six months, when I was taking around 20 mg of clonazepam a day. I ended up homeless for a few days, I barely remember what was happening to me, and apparently I did a lot of completely insane things. I also nearly died because I couldn’t get the medication in time.
That was two years ago. Since then, I’ve fallen into two more periods of heavy Xanax and Xanax XR use, at 7 mg+ a day, each lasting around 2–3 months.
Right now I’m waiting for free addiction therapy that’s available in my country. At the moment I’m managing to stay at a maximum of around 3 mg of Xanax a day, but I can feel myself starting to lose control again.
I really don’t want to go into inpatient treatment. I’m trying to get back into the job market. I’m educated and, somehow, despite this entire mess, I actually have a very good CV. I’m scared I’m going to lose all of that again.
Unfortunately, a huge part of this problem has also fallen on my partner. She actually became dependent on benzodiazepines herself because of me, although not to the same extent, and she’s able to function without them. She has to keep checking on me and controlling how much I’m taking, and I know it takes a huge toll on her.
I want to get off benzos for good, but I feel like the psychological dependence is so strong that even the thought of not having access to them causes extreme anxiety.
Is addiction therapy alone likely to be enough in a situation like this? Is there anything else I can do or change? Can I get off them by myself?