I came out to my family about a month ago. I'm married and have 3 kids that I love and a wife I love. I'm bisexual and for sure am two spirited or a trans woman. My parents think I'm making a stupid choice and that they are just feelings and my one sister just told me I'm going to traumatized my kids I have only told 3 of my sister's non of my brothers or my oldest sister. She called me to tell me my oldest sister was asking her why my pronouns are they them on instagram they were never he him they were some thing random I picked when I was still in the closet like Ze Zim but I recently changed them I don't even know what else she was trying to say something about how it's knew to them and it's hard to accept because I told her what my parents said about it being feelings I can chose to ignore and how mom won't even talk to her about it. I had a horrible day at work and already felt like shit so I just hung up at her and she basically told me she doesn't want anything to do with me if that's how I'm going to act. I already was feeling suicidal with what my mom said the new guy before and how some of my co workers have been treating me.

Anyway I basically feel like coming out was a big mistake and I never should have I also feel like jumping off a 5 story balcony I'm standing on. If anyone can DM me or comment something to give me a little hope I would appreciate it. Only thing keeping me going is that I know my kids lives will be fucked if I do it my wife has been a stay at home mom for 5 years because I currently make 170 000 a year I have to travel a lot for it and pay for flights be it's still the only way they are getting by without me there lives quickly turn to a mess but it's starting to feel like not enough to keep me going...

The post are so strange and comical. I’m 52 mtf. I’ve been in get for 12 years. I had an orchiectomy 8 years ago. And then nothing changed. Everything came to a grinding hault. After the wedding. We have to play the game for her family. And my parents. And her parents. And now they are all gone.

But what about my brothers? You ask that without ever trying to come up with an answer.

And so the goal line gets pushed back and nothing changes. A boob job would force a lot of discussions. But I know last time I lost to the company. And friends attacked.

TW: mentions of abu$e, sh, extreme homophobia, etc.

okay so to get a better look at this we are online friends and he lives in a country far away so i cant support him irl. his parents are extremely homophobic to the point where there is risk of him getting abused/kicked out.

his mom wants him to be all feminine and cutesy so he cant change his voice pitch or wear what he wants because his mom wants a feminine "daughter." we are both su1c1dal but we both have our boundaries about talking about our problems, he respects me and we are great friends so i wouldnt wanna ruin that. he naturally is built rather fem unfortunately and tying his hair back to make it look shorter doesnt work either. his mom is also forcing him to grow his hair out for the reason i mentioned earlier. hes told me hes basically given up on transitioning and accepted that his partner will probably leave anyway and i really wanna make him feel better about himself but without burning myself out because im already depressed enough. im gonna buy him a binder sometime soon (yes i will ship it to him probably)

does anyone have any more tips for how he could transition better? in the worst case i might call cps on his parents but who knows

i'm 17 ftm and my bf is 17 ftm as well. and this is getting way too hard for both of us if i'm being honest. For me at least, since i can't speak for him, is the constant dysphoria of seeing your body being actively mutilated and not being able to enjoy life like any boy of my age should. I'm just a pathetic, disgusting excuse of a man and i'll never be a real one, no matter how much i want to, and i'd just like to run away from myself, to rip off all my skin to finally make people see who i am undearneath this revolting sack of meat. I wish i could start testosterone but i'm way too far from it and all i can do is wait for god knows how long to get diagnosed and all that bullshit while i rot and people around me get to enjoy life. That in itself is something i have to deal with and i do have some issues with self harm and all that, but i've been able to keep going at least. I really don't know how to move on without testosterone, but i still do my best to keep going. The thing is that there's also my bf, and if i'm being honest, his dysphoria is way more severe than mine, and he tells me all this horrible amount of things he feels that i understand perfectly, but don't know how to help with bc it's all out of my control, and i wish to god i could bc i love him with all my heart and i just want him to be okay. and i'm constantly terrified that one day it will be too much for him and he ends up killing himself. I know he made a promise he won't until the 2030's if i remember correctly, but it still scares me, and idk what to do for him or myself. i just want to help him but i have no idea how, and i know that he needs testosterone, but he's in a waiting list for february next year, but still i'm terrified. So idk how to balance it all out, i feel hopeless for not being able to help him, hopeless for my dysphoria, hopeless to help my other friends who are also struggling with other stuff, hopeless for school, hopeless for my family, for my country, for it all, and idk how to keep going when there's virtually nothing i can do. idk man, it would be nice if someone could give me advice, ik this is very long and probably incoherent, i'm not at my best state of mind right now and english isn't my first language, so sorry abt that

PLZ DONT PUT I NEED A THERAPIST!!! I know I need one but I need something to get me by till then. If your just gonna type "get a therapist" just don't comment!!!! PLZ!!!!!

Hi, I’m an FTM guy in my early 20s, and I’m looking for advice from other trans people or anyone who might have experienced something similar.

I have an extremely strong reaction to sexualized depictions of women and women face. This can be real people, fictional characters, anime, video games, shows, artwork, etc. Even things that aren't necessarily meant to be sexual, like certain swimwear, can sometimes trigger the reaction.

When I see something that triggers me, my brain and body react almost as if I’m in danger. I can become extremely nauseous and lightheaded, start shaking heavily, feel very hot or cold, get intense anxiety and dysphoria, and develop really bad headaches and crying uncontrollably. Sometimes I’ll remain upset for hours afterward, and occasionally it can affect me for days.

It isn't just seeing images, either. Even when people talk about women sexually or discuss their bodies, I can have a similar reaction. And even reading about games description on the tags in what the sexual content is about or in books and ect.

There are a very small number of fictional female characters that I'm okay with. It's usually characters I've known very little or loved for a long time and developed a strong connection with. There are probably only around 20 or so characters that I can comfortably look at and I'm confused on why, and even then, sometimes a character can become uncomfortable for me depending on how they're portrayed. I rarely find new characters that I'm comfortable with.

This has gotten to the point where I can't enjoy some of my favorite games or shows because I'm afraid I'll suddenly encounter something that triggers me. I also had trouble working because of it. At one job, someone came in wearing an anime shirt featuring women in bikinis, and my body became so tense that I couldn't properly focus on my tasks. It felt like I couldn't take control of my reaction no matter how hard I tried.

I don't currently have access to therapy because of financial reasons, so I'm trying to figure out what I can do in the meantime.

My boyfriend also used to look at sexualized content without telling me, which made things significantly worse when I found out myself. However, I feel like this problem was already getting worse before that happened. He's stopped and has been trying to help me when I get triggered by removing the content and helping me calm down, and I appreciate that.

Another part that makes this especially confusing is how it affects my feelings about myself. I'm FTM and have been out for several years, but I haven't been able to start testosterone because of financial reasons. I want to be a man, but I feel uncomfortable with the idea of being associated with people who sexualize women or talk about women's bodies that way. I also hate being sexualized myself.

Sometimes it makes me feel like I don't belong anywhere. I don't want to be seen as someone who looks at women that way, and I don't want to be sexualized either. I just want to be able to exist as a guy without feeling like I'm somehow connected to something that makes me this uncomfortable.

All of this has gotten to the point where sometimes I genuinely wish I was blind, just so I wouldn't have to see or worry about encountering this kind of content anymore. I don't mean that I want to hurt myself or anything like that. I just feel so overwhelmed by how strongly my body reacts to something that seems unavoidable in everyday life.

I've tried distracting myself when I get triggered, but lately that hasn't been working very well. It has gotten to the point where I feel like I'm missing out on things I enjoy and don't know how to live normally around these triggers until I'm financially able to get professional help.

I'm not looking for anyone to tell me that I should be attracted to women or that this is just part of being a man. That's actually part of what scares me. I want to be comfortable being myself without feeling pressured to view women sexually.

It has also gotten to the point where I sometimes don't even want to leave the house because I'm afraid I'll encounter something that triggers me. It can be something as simple as a shirt, an advertisement, a store display, or even walking past the clothing section where there are pictures of women wearing bras or underwear. I know that those pictures aren't necessarily meant to be sexualized, but my brain doesn't seem to make that distinction. Just seeing a woman wearing very little clothing can be enough to make my body react with the same anxiety and dysphoria, even when there is nothing inherently sexual about the image. Because I never know when I'm going to encounter something like that, I feel like I'm constantly on guard whenever I go out.

(I don't like sexualizing women, I don't like the idea and it sucks that people won't keep to themselves by not posting it and talking about it. It grosses me out seeing that stuff.)

Has anyone else experienced something like this, particularly severe dysphoria or anxiety around sexualized depictions of women? If so, what helped you cope with it?

Hello everyone. My name is Yana (the name I'd like to have; you can generally call me that). I'm 28 years old. I'm sharing my story and would like to read your advice on my situation. I understand there are no solutions like those in a manual, but I hope your advice, comments, and suggestions will help me understand.

My story began in my teens with clothing and makeup samples. I didn't know about transition or the existence of transgender people back then; I was just playing around, which gave me great pleasure. Over time, this began to develop into something more, and as the theory developed, I began to dig deeper and learned a lot about people like me.

But until I was 22, I didn't do anything at all because I was afraid of publicity, rejection, and being alone. Before that age, I had already served in the army and gotten married. But one wonderful night, I couldn't sleep and realized I couldn't go on like this, that I was disgusted with my body, my reflection, my life.

I managed to find a small piece of information to share with my partner about my problem, like how she even seemed to understand me. But I couldn't accept it (which we noticed later).

At about the same age, I started HRT. After reading information online, I found a couple of medications that were definitely and conveniently suitable for everyone. I went to a local psychiatrist at the local clinic. He sent me to a mental health clinic. There, I took tests, received a diagnosis, and was assigned a two-year registration, after which I could change my documents. But I didn't want to wait that long; the requirements at government agencies are quite strict. First, I need to establish my social status (live as a woman, openly), and only then, if they deem it necessary, will they issue me the appropriate document for the registry office. So, it was a tedious process. I saved up some money and went to a private clinic in Moscow, where they gave me this certificate after undergoing all the same tests.

And now, what happiness would have seemed like! I have a prescription from an endocrinologist, all the necessary documents, start a new life! But what did I do? As someone said, "\*e-\*e-e-e-e." After all the above-mentioned events, my relationship with my partner deteriorated dramatically and almost ended. And I didn't choose myself. I stopped HRT, nurtured our relationship, continued working and studying. Routine returned. Now we're already seeing annual growth.

And now I'm 28 years old, I love my wife very much, I love my child madly, and I can't even see my reflection in the mirror. I look at the happy people on Reddit who have transitioned, I envy them endlessly, and I can't understand why I can't be too happy. I can't be myself. I meet beautiful girls on the street, admire them, and want to be like them. But all I have is growing anxiety, self-hatred, and tears I can't cry.

Basically, I stand at a crossroads:

1. Choose myself, but lose my loved one and child, my family and friends, condemning myself to loneliness;

2. Choose family, condemning myself to endless suffering.

Hello everyone. My name is Yana (the name I'd like to have; you can generally call me that). I'm 28 years old. I'm sharing my story and would like to read your advice on my situation. I understand there are no solutions like those in a manual, but I hope your advice, comments, and suggestions will help me understand.

My story began in my teens with clothing and makeup samples. I didn't know about transition or the existence of transgender people back then; I was just playing around, which gave me great pleasure. Over time, this began to develop into something more, and as the theory developed, I began to dig deeper and learned a lot about people like me.

But until I was 22, I didn't do anything at all because I was afraid of publicity, rejection, and being alone. Before that age, I had already served in the army and gotten married. But one wonderful night, I couldn't sleep and realized I couldn't go on like this, that I was disgusted with my body, my reflection, my life.

I managed to find a small piece of information to share with my partner about my problem, like how she even seemed to understand me. But I couldn't accept it (which we noticed later).

At about the same age, I started HRT. After reading information online, I found a couple of medications that were definitely and conveniently suitable for everyone. I went to a local psychiatrist at the local clinic. He sent me to a mental health clinic. There, I took tests, received a diagnosis, and was assigned a two-year registration, after which I could change my documents. But I didn't want to wait that long; the requirements at government agencies are quite strict. First, I need to establish my social status (live as a woman, openly), and only then, if they deem it necessary, will they issue me the appropriate document for the registry office. So, it was a tedious process. I saved up some money and went to a private clinic in Moscow, where they gave me this certificate after undergoing all the same tests.

And now, what happiness would have seemed like! I have a prescription from an endocrinologist, all the necessary documents, start a new life! But what did I do? As someone said, "\*e-\*e-e-e-e." After all the above-mentioned events, my relationship with my partner deteriorated dramatically and almost ended. And I didn't choose myself. I stopped HRT, nurtured our relationship, continued working and studying. Routine returned. Now we're already seeing annual growth.

And now I'm 28 years old, I love my wife very much, I love my child madly, and I can't even see my reflection in the mirror. I look at the happy people on Reddit who have transitioned, I envy them endlessly, and I can't understand why I can't be too happy. I can't be myself. I meet beautiful girls on the street, admire them, and want to be like them. But all I have is growing anxiety, self-hatred, and tears I can't cry.

Basically, I stand at a crossroads:

1. Choose myself, but lose my loved one and child, my family and friends, condemning myself to loneliness;

2. Choose family, condemning myself to endless suffering.

Hello, I currently live with my abusive mother and I need to raise money so I can move out immediately after I finish with university in June 2027.

Please donate what you can and share if you can’t🙏🏽

Thanks so much.

https://gofund.me/b8e92eef7

I’m finally in a place when I can take HRT whenever I want but I haven’t done it. I can’t just take the step to change my life, to change my body. Especially not with an extremely transphobic family who’d probably mock me and see me as mentally ill.

Social transition is meant to help, but I don’t feel like I can ever socially transition or tell people irl about this without feeling like an ugly fool. If I tell people I’m trans while looking like the ugly boy I feel I am, I’d feel ridiculous. So I can’t do that.

So despite how fucking easy it would be to take estrogen and become that girl I want to be, I’m a coward who probably won’t ever do it for years. Yet I know waiting is going to be something I’ll hate myself for. Yet even with that I’m not very dysphoric. I can live as a boy. It’s not that bad. It’s just revulsion at body hair and feeling constantly fat and that’s more of an abusive upbringing thing than anything. So it’s not a matter of life and death and I wish it was. Since that would push me to do something. Push me to take the step.

Vent into the void.

I'm 18 years old, and I'm a trans girl, but I really feel like I'll never achieve anything close to a transition. I've known I'm trans since around 3 years ago, but I feel like I'll never be able to transition. I live in a very religious house and even though I turned 18 this year my parents are still very present and important in my life, and even though we have a somewhat healthy relationship, they're very against anything trans related even though they don't know I'm trans. I'm also very scared of hrt for some personal reasons, and even if I wasn't, access to it is very difficult in my country. Aside from that, my body isn't helping at all, there's too much hair that takes too long to shave just to grow back in like 2 days, and due to health problems I have a weird fat stomach that makes me look even worse. I've felt even worse these last days and I feel really lost, I don't have anyone else to talk about this. I feel like I'll never be able to become my true self and I'll be trapped in this horrible body forever and I don't know what to do.

Hello, I'm a 17M who is suffering from ​severe gender dysphoria​​ who lives in ​a very conservative family​​​. As of recently, ​​​I have been experiencing depression like symptoms that I mask as ​​I don't want anyone knowing what I'm going through. ​​When I look in ​​the mirror, ​all I see is a person wantinf to be a woman but can't due to my family being comprised of bigots and idiots. Whenever I brought up the topic of transgender individuals to my family, they see them as mentally ill and state that its a phase, same goes with my siblings. Can anyone give me advice ​​​​​because I'm currently in hell and I don't what to do anymore. ​​​

Hello everyone! I want to say you’re all amazing and the best people. I’m just feeling down today wishing I transitioned years ago and wasn’t in so much of a pickle rn if I wanted to transition. Just really need a hug or some positive words. I’m not going to hurt myself but feeling down today. ❤️

EDIT: Flair explanation removal (this post was initially written for another subreddit but I reposted here)

I'm transmasc, a little over a year and a couple months on T and I've only recently come to terms with the fact that my family dislikes me. They say they don't, but my brother (the only member of my family who seems to be supportive; hes also 12 so I can't really talk to him about any of this) has told me that they all call me a mentally ill freak behind my back. You can't say that about someone and also love them, right? I've tried to explain that being trans isn't a mental illness and that the only approved treatment for gender dysphoria is to transition, but they're Christians and they don't believe that, regardless of any amount of proof I'll give them. My mom in particular says she still loves me and that she'll accept me eventually but she's still grieving her daughter. I'm an adult and I've been out as trans for two years, hasn't it been long enough for her to stop she/her-ing me and start using my chosen name? It just feels like an excuse at this point.

My dad is even worse, he pretends to be confused about my gender identity (says stuff like "I don't know what to call her!" When he's been told multiple times that I'm a trans man and what the appropriate pronouns are (he/they, but I've said he/him just to make it easier to understand) and has times where he's said things like (TW) "You're just a worthless bitch with dick envy," and thats not even the worst thing he's said about me. I do feel like I should mention that he has a personality disorder and is otherwise very mentally ill and a lot of the things he says are during "blackouts".

On top of that, my ex partner of several years left me a few months ago, albeit not because I'm trans. They were kind of the only person I had since moving out in a new city and I don't have them anymore. I don't know what to do. I feel completely alone and unloved. I'm sleeping on the couch of my own apartment because I'm pretty sure my ex is uncomfortable sleeping in the same bed as me now, which is understandable. I feel like a guest in my own home, and I don't even have my family to fall back on. I'm really trying to cope but I don't know how. I don't even know where to start.

Maybe being trans isn't right for me. I don't want to be a girl. But maybe I just am. Maybe things would be normal again if I would just be a girl. I'm kind of feminine at heart anyway and I've always wanted to be a feminine guy, but I'm so uncomfortable being feminine with my current body like 90% of the time. Still, maybe I'm just in denial about being a girl? Ofc I don't think that way about other feminine ftms, but it feels different when it's me.

Has anyone experienced anything like this? How do you cope with constantly feeling alone? With feeling like you have nobody in the world on your side (with the exception of my 12 year old brother who I will NOT subject to my mental health issues)?

TLDR: it feels like nobody loves me and I feel really alone and I'm wondering if I'd be better off detransitioning.

27 Y/O M (as of now),

I used to crossdress in secret when I was in my teens.

The feeling went away on my early twenties. Then I got married to my girlfriend.

Now after a year into my marriage, the feelings came again.

Being in male clothes stresses me out, the thought of wearing women's clothes bring a sense of calm that words cannot explain.

One day, I am thinking of moving to a LGBTQ friendly country and start my transition.

Another day, the thought of hurting my wife brings me down. I am convinced to be closeted forever for her happiness.

And if I do transition, what job will I do? How will I earn my bread? All these thoughts are flooding me.

I am from central Asia so transphobia is a big thing here. If I come out, my family will think it as their greatest shame.

It's like I am trading my happiness for a peaceful family life or vice versa.

I am torn apart. I don't know what to do. Please feel free to share any advice

Queen Alexandra here again.... For starters, she and I dated for years, well before I ever came out to her, I came out in 2024. We were never that serious, but, we were certainly a dating couple, and she made it so obvious when we would go places, but not so much online and to some other places. She and I were talking on the phone one day about our status, and she kept saying how much she loved me and how I loved her and loved her for who she was, etc. I then broke the news to her, to which she responded 'I think we are better off as friends honestly, as I don't think I can date a woman....' This deepy hurt me so much, and I was unable to think positively for a bit, and I ocassionally still have nightmares about losing her to another person. We also have not talked in a while, and whenever I do text her, she never responds or literally gives a half assed reply which hurts, and I am willing to bet she is already looking for a boyfriend or partner.... I know she doesn't hate me and I realize it is up to her in the end, though, this really is hurtful since I have dreamt of being with her for many years and have never seen a woman as beautiful as her.... She also asked me some questions about my transition like what will happen when I start HRT( First appointment is on September 29th. I am okay with answering basic and noninvasive questions), but she was asking me what clothes I wear, and if I will get any 'girl' parts amongst other graphic questions.... I know she is a good person, but, I am overhwhelmed and super upset with how she just seperated from me all because I trusted her to accept me for who I was, rather than try to find someone new and forget I even existed..... Some people do not know privilege, I swear. I just wish we were together as two girls, and not be seen as man and woman.... Has anyone else been dumped before like this, and if so can I get some feedback about what to do and how to cope? Thank you.... ❤️

16-year-old here, I have been closeted for a quite a while, and things are starting to become intolerable. Every day, I find myself dissociating and daydreaming of being in my real body. I don't think I'll ever pass, owning partly to my indecision and refusal to coming out earlier, but I want to try my hardest. The only compass I have is the experiences of those who came before me, so I have come here for assistance. Below, I have outlined what I deem to be the salient details of my situation.

My family is... should I say peculiar? On one hand, my mother is an outspoken LGBTQ+ activist who attends parades and protests with my grandma (mother's side), who, thanks to her unwavering support and intelligence, converted my grandpa from a bigot with a deeply ingrained prejudice to an open-minded ally. On the other hand, my father is an abusive sadist who repeatedly raped me when I was a kid, brutally tortured me for tiny mistakes, and traumatized me so badly that I have an irrational fear of any other person. I don't know what his political beliefs are, and I'm unsure he's even human enough to be concerned with the affairs of our world. I don't want to be thrown out or worse, so this is the main point of my dilemma.

From a local perspective, I am unsure how inclusive my community is. My fear of people forces me into reclusion, so I don't have enough data points to reach a conclusion. It makes logical sense to me that I can be the gender I want to be -- if I'm not already -- but it would be nice if other people saw me that way too.

Financial independence is tricky. I am extremely reliant on my family, which is why I haven't run away to a domestic violence shelter (and, also, because I don't know if they would accept me as a trans person :(.) I don't have any support system beyond my family, so in that regard, getting kicked out would be detrimental to me.

So, what are my odds? Is it possible that my family accepts me, or will they not be supportive? As a corollary, what is the best way to come out?

So to start, I've found myself in a situation that is slowly improving, but, idk how to handle it lmao. To get the gist of it, I'm MTF trans and I had a really rough upbringing around a lot of bikers and all of the fun (lol) that came with growing up around so many hateful, violent, drug addicted wannabe neo-nazi degenerate losers, so for most of my life, I repressed everything about who I am. Instead, I became a hateful addict that was nothing but angry at the world, doing every drug I could get my hands on to stop feeling what I was feeling while I "lived" as a soulless copy of them.

Suffice to say at the time, I didn't think transitioning would ever be possible for me, or even safe around the people that I considered family. The constant split between not wanting to lose my "family" and not wanting to lose myself was driving me into a very dark place where I lost both for a while and in doing so, I came to a lot of hard realizations about the people I was around, who I was associating with in general, and what I was doing to myself by holding onto these relationships no matter the consequence. I got sober, quit smoking, started meditating, painting my nails, basically taking better care of myself and focusing on doing the things that make me happy. I even returned to college this week!

So the problem... I have a LOT to work through with a therapist lmao. A lot that makes my future social transition seem... Bleak to me? Like, recently, I moved to Troy, New York, probably the most lgbtq+ friendly city in the capital region, with a ton of amazing people. And then there's me, someone that currently passes as a thug from 1995 NYC with a 1000 yard stare. I know that I'm incredibly lucky to be in such an accepting and friendly place, but i can't seem to... Push myself over that line. I'm still undergoing HRT without any help from a medical provider because I'm terrified to make an appointment with planned parenthood, even though I know that logically, I have nothing at all to be afraid of anymore. I haven't even been able to bring myself to mention my HRT to my primary doctor. Hell, i'm struggling even to pop into a discord server to make friends within the community, or any friends at all for that matter.

It really feels like I have to re-learn how to interact with people and have normal relationships again. I finally managed to get the courage up to go out with another trans person from the area, aaaand it went about as well as I expected. 🤡

I'm finally at a point in life where I know what I need to do to be happy, but I just can't force myself over that last mental line for some reason. 😕

I don't think I have any real reason for this post other than to try and get my thoughts down and "out there". Thoughts that I could never share with anyone that knows my old name.

I'm sorry if this doesn't fit here. I still feel like I'm not that great at posting on reddit. I'm just feeling really terrified, and I just want to know that everything is gonna be okay. Mentioning the book series or the author in a positive context has been a huge trigger for me, and I just got in a huge fight with my brother about it, and it's all because of JKR. I know she more specifically targets and harasses trans women, but she's really anti-trans in general, too, and I'm feeling especially terrified right now. I know there are so many people out there fighting for us, but I'm still scared of all the power and money she has and how that could affect me. I just started medically transitioning a few months ago, and I currently live in a fairly progressive state (USA), so I'm not too worried, but the fact that JKR's anti-trans organization is only growing even more just makes me scared that she'll somehow manage to do something that endangers my cability to be myself along with other trans people. Adults out there, could you maybe give me your words of encouragement and reassurance? My parents raised us loving HP, and even though they're very supportive of me being trans, they don't really agree with my views on the series, so I'm just wanting adults that actually listen to me about this. If that makes sense. I'm sorry again if this isn't the right place to be posting this. I just wanna know that I'm gonna be okay...

***DISCLAIMER:*** *I have not yet taken any suicidal actions or done any self harm. As of now I do not WANT to take any of the harmful actions described in this post. this post is only for venting purposes and possibly for any advice on how to get through this.*

I've been having such horrible suicidal thoughts. I'm so scared, I feel like I won't be able to live long enough to actually be happy.

I'm starting to lose hope and it scares me so much. I feel like I'll never be free from this horrible body.

I've been having really bad depressive episodes where I just completely stop caring. feeling like dying is my only way out. In my most recent episode I even started to embrace these suicidal thoughts. I actually gave up entirely. I even started writing a note. I started to truly believe that this is the end of my life. I'm trying to hold on to the hope that things will get better, but it feels so impossible. I feel like if I don't transition soon, I'll end up taking my own life. But if I do transition I'm scared that I'll end up homeless, starving, and hated. It's so hard to have hope for the future when it all seems so bleak.

I don't want to feel this way anymore, I want to live and be happy. But I'm so scared that I won't be strong enough to hold on until it gets better. These horrible thoughts of suicide scare me so much because I'm starting to believe them. They plague my every waking moment. I'm even starting to have suicidal dreams. the thought of jumping from a building, or jumping in front of a train. even when I take my antidepressant, these feelings remain. I'm scared that during one of these depressive episodes I'll end up doing something I can't take back.

I'm so scared. I want to live but I don't know if I can. It's so hard to see a future where I'm happy.

I hate this body, I hate this world. I hate what these feelings are going to do to me. I'm so scared of what these things are going to make me do.

I'm so scared that I'll never be able to be happy...

I have an appointment with my psychologist on September 14th where I'll talk to him and my mother about all of this (which also includes coming out to my mom as trans) But I'm so scared that I won't be alive by then. I'm so scared that these feelings will take me away before I get the chance to get help. I know I need to stay strong and hold on to the hope that it gets better, but it feels impossible.

I’m literally doing everything I can to get a job and find a quality therapist but I still feel like crap. The thing is I dont have any friends in real life or any extended family members as my family is very small. I’ve tried getting off the internet and it only works for a few days until I feel lonely and want to return to the internet as it gives me a way to connect to others and meaning in my life. I’m not able to transition now as my parents do not support my transition and do not see me as a real trans woman as i’m too “wishy washy” and I wasn’t girly through most of my life. I have increased my OCD medicine dose but it will take a while to see it work. I do things in the real world like community events but people tend to keep to themselves and only have short conversations that dont really evolve into any friendships. When I do try to make friends it feels like people dont actually have interest in me unless they can use me for something and it sucks. I’m not really able to dress femininely in real life as my parents do not approve of it and want me to be safe. I am hunting for a job and have been for months and haven’t had much luck with this shitty job market. there aren’t really any queer groups around and the one that is closest to me isn’t very friendly.

Sometimes I think maybe all of this is self inflicted and maybe im not actually trans. Maybe my mom is right and im being influenced by the internet and just looking for a place of belonging. I cannot afford to lose my family and kill any career prospects by being a woman as i dont have anyone to fall back on. Issue is i dont really feel like im a boy or a man even though I was ok with being a boy growing up as a kid. I have entertained the idea that im just an autistic guy that likes feminine things but even that is risky as my mom gets upset every time i bring up my little pony or anything girly, regardless of what gender i turn out to be.

i am wondering if transition is even worth it at this point as i want to get out of this rut. i have a part time job at the moment but its only like 10 hours a week and looking for something else is difficult as i am not well suited for retail work. I had a therapist tell me that i am confused about my gender and who knows maybe i am. my mom also told me that maybe part of the reason why i dont fit into queer spaces is because queer people think i am straight and not really trans or queer at all. my parents are the only family i can rely on and otherwise i have nobody to fall back on so I cannot rock the boat, hence the desire of getting a full time job.

I have tried many hobbies from pokemon to language learning but nothing seems to satisfy that yearning in my heart for something fulfilling and meaningful (gardening/biology is pretty much the only exception). I have tried the brony community as a way to find autistic people who struggle with being in their bodies but haven’t found much luck, ditto with the furry fandom. part of me feels like im doomed to being that “autistic guy who likes nerdy things and has glasses and a weird voice” and i hate that. I don’t like to be that person and i dont feel that’s who i am deep inside. if i have to be a guy id rather be some kind of nature enthusiast than be some caricature of a nerdy anime fan.

So hi I have a gender therapist appointment in this Friday.. but I'm feeling nervous, stres And fear rether than happens.. my family is questioning why I'm feeling this stres full since it's something that I want to.. but I'm fearing that the doctor is gonna say it's just a period of My life or it's just a obsession and I'm not be able to start My transition..is feeling stressful is normal? Or I'm just overthinking it (probably the reason I'm feeling this much stress is probably because My psychologist told me that it's just a phase and if I go to a therapist they Will say the same thing..)

Good morning guys my name is Ozzie and me and my boyfriend have been together for a whole year already which is just wonderful. And I'm here to be a supportive partner to him in any way that I can, and part of that is helping him through his transition. He needs two surgery one is a hysterectomy as well as top surgery so that way he can fully become the man that is his. He is gonna be taking T as well and I'm hoping that I can do all of tis for him by next year. Thank yawl so much for me it means the the world knowing that other people care and love him the same way I do <3

Hi there, first off: I know that an account with little activity history posting a fundraising appeal might seem sus. So here are a few things about me right off the bat:

• I'm afab nonbinary, in my early 30s, living in Germany
• I had a self-pay mastectomy in 2025 - no health insurance coverage...
• The surgery and all associated costs came to around €9,000 - my savings are gone, and I'm in debt
• I've uploaded anonymized invoices and proof of payment to GoFundMe (not everything, but I can provide evidence of all costs on request)
• I'm no longer on social media (mental health reasons) - that's why I'm trying this here

If any mods are reading this, I can verify everything if needed.

Here's my campaign link: https://www.gofundme.com/f/marlins-mastek-obenrum-schulden-frei?cp_src=m

Every amount helps.

Thanks for reading,

Marlin 💜

Parto dal presupposto che, nonostante io abbia sempre saputo di non potermi definire un uomo cis e che almeno qui usi i pronomi femminili, non sono mai riuscita a esprimere o anche solo banalmente a raccontare chi io sia davvero. Non ho intrapreso ahimè alcun percorso di transizione e ho sempre tenuto segreta una parte davvero enorme e totalizzante della mia personalità.

Di recente ho come la sensazione che tutto il mio mondo stia andando un po' a rotoli. Ad un periodo di forte stress lavorativo come quello che sto passando attualmente si stanno iniziando a intensificare alcuni pensieri molto brutti nella mia testa.

Pensieri che non mi fanno dormire la notte e che stanno influenzando drasticamente i miei rapporti interpersonali (e soprattutto affettivi). Mi sento stanca continuamente, non riesco a fare l'amore con la mia compagna e il mio corpo si ribella letteralmente a questo stress emotivo. Da una parte imperversa la disforia e il disprezzo che ho del mio corpo...e al contempo sussiste una sorta di pressione sociale insita che mi fa sentire inferiore/sbagliata (o come direbbero le masse "meno uomo" anche se di ste cose non mi é mai importato nulla).

Non so come far smettere i pensieri...non so come comportarmi con gli altri...non so se aprirmi e ammettere una volta per tutte che io mi sento donna possa essere d'aiuto o se possa solo peggiorare tutto quanto.

Purtroppo la mia famiglia per quanto composta da persone buone ha delle idee di altri tempi...pensate che mio padre un tempo mi disse "sei un lesionato" perché misi lo smalto nero quindi figurati se potrebbe mai accettare che suo figlio nasconda un'intera personalità femminile inespressa.

E se anche mi dico che va bene così non sono sicura che questa si possa davvero chiamare vita. Sono sconfortata e non so cosa fare per migliorare le cose.

Ho paura che in un modo o nell'altro io perda tutti e non ho le energie per reggere più tutto questo peso.