r/short Apr 17 '26

Motivation An advice from a 30 year old dude

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So this subreddit keeps appearing on my feed, probably because I’m a short man at 166 cm who follows men’s fashion pages and similar content.

Honestly, if I had found this side of the internet before I started dating in the real world, I probably would have stayed a virgin. According to some of the people here, I should be completely doomed anyway. I’m short, bald, and I have crooked teeth.

And yet I have dated women of different heights, including women taller than me.

I’m also a university lecturer, and I read a lot of research on dating, mate preferences, and social status. So here is the scientific version, not the black pill fantasy version.

Yes, height matters. Preferences are real. Women, like men, can have physical preferences, and pretending otherwise is stupid. But research does not support the idea that one trait like height determines your entire dating future. Actual partner choice is shaped by multiple factors at once, including kindness, intelligence, emotional stability, dependability, confidence, physical attraction, and social or economic stability (Buss & Schmitt, 2019; Thomas et al., 2020).

Research also shows that what people say they want does not perfectly predict who they actually choose when interacting in real life. In speed dating studies, stated preferences often did not line up neatly with actual attraction once people met face to face (Eastwick & Finkel, 2008). In other words, attraction in the real world is messier and more human than internet forums want to admit.

Online spaces and dating apps also distort reality. They push people to judge each other quickly and superficially, which exaggerates traits like height. That does not mean the entire dating market works that way offline (Finkel et al., 2012).

To quote my therapist, life is basically a big Souls game and height is just a debuff. Yes, it can make things harder. Yes, you will probably get your ass kicked a few more times than someone playing on easier settings. But that does not mean the game is unwinnable. It just means you may need more patience, more resilience, and a better strategy. And honestly, where is the fun in beating the game with no debuffs?

I have been rejected plenty of times, and height probably played a role in some of those rejections. I say probably because I do not interrogate rejection or obsess over the reason. I am not going to ask someone to explain why they did not want me. That is their choice. Other people are allowed to have preferences, and I do not need to internalise every rejection as a verdict on my worth. At the end of the day, only you get to decide your value in this world.

I have also been through a period of height insecurity myself. After a recent rejection, I went down the rabbit hole of self loathing, so I do understand how dark that headspace can get. But how we feel is not always a perfect reflection of reality. Feelings, emotions, and thought patterns can spiral, and they can also be challenged and changed. Therapy helped me see that. With the right support, self awareness, and work, the way you think about yourself can improve.

What these spaces often ignore is how much insecurity changes the way a person comes across. Neediness, resentment, bitterness, and defeatism are not attractive qualities, and they can do more damage than being a few inches below average.

That is why the advice to men should not be “give up.” It should be “build a life that makes you attractive in a broader sense.” Work on your confidence. Go to therapy if you need it. Practice mindfulness. Focus on your career, not because women are gold diggers, but because ambition, competence, and financial stability signal drive and maturity. Take care of your physical health. Read more. Volunteer. Join communities. Get involved in causes you genuinely care about. Expand your social circles and meet women in real spaces, not just through algorithms and rage bait.

And if you are constantly hitting a wall, take a break from dating for a bit. Reset. Rebuild your confidence. Get your head straight. Stop treating every bad experience like proof that the whole world works one way.

Most importantly, women are not a hive mind. One woman rejecting you does not mean all women think the same. A subreddit full of bitter men is not an accurate sample of reality. People have different preferences, different priorities, and different reasons for being attracted to someone.

Also, be careful with research in general. Research can help us identify trends, but human beings are more complex than a dataset or a single paper. Averages are not destiny, context matters, and how old the research is matters too. Social norms, dating culture, and the way people meet have changed a lot over time, especially with apps and social media. So use research to inform your thinking, not to reduce yourself or other people to a rigid formula.

The point is simple. Height can be a disadvantage. It is not a death sentence. A lot of men are not being ruined by height alone. They are being ruined by an identity built around insecurity, hopelessness, and too much time spent listening to other defeated men online.

References

Buss, D. M., & Schmitt, D. P. (2019). Mate preferences and their behavioral manifestations. Annual Review of Psychology, 70, 77 to 110. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-psych-010418-103408

Eastwick, P. W., & Finkel, E. J. (2008). Sex differences in mate preferences revisited: Do people know what they initially desire in a romantic partner? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 94(2), 245 to 264.

Finkel, E. J., Eastwick, P. W., Karney, B. R., Reis, H. T., & Sprecher, S. (2012). Online dating: A critical analysis from the perspective of psychological science. Psychological Science in the Public Interest, 13(1), 3 to 66. https://doi.org/10.1177/1529100612436522

Thomas, A. G., Jonason, P. K., Blackburn, J. D., Kennair, L. E. O., Lowe, R., Malouff, J., Stewart-Williams, S., Sulikowski, D., & Li, N. P. (2020). Mate preference priorities in the East and West: A cross-cultural test of the mate preference priority model. Journal of Personality, 88(3), 606 to 620.


r/short Mar 15 '26

Meta Suggestions

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Ok, I'm stuck at my desk with a bum foot that's been plaguing me for weeks now, so I might as well try to make this time at least a bit productive.

So since I ain't going anywhere, let's have a meta discussion about the sub, and I'll take this opportunity to solicit suggestions.


r/short 12h ago

Motivation I’m 5’5 confidence is key

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You can’t change your height but you can always work on your body/ clothing style but most important is your social skills. I get called short rarely here and there but I’m able to laugh it off because I know my worth. Just live your life and stop comparing yourself to people who are taller than yourself


r/short 15h ago

Motivation Life is much better when you accept your height. 1,65cm

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I just wanted to stop by and thank this group; it really helped me accept my height. On top of that, I started doing calisthenics a few months ago, and I feel like that has helped me even more regarding my height. I also started a YouTube channel to share my life and workouts—something I wouldn't have even felt comfortable taking many photos for before. Anyway, I just wanted to express my gratitude.


r/short 17h ago

Vent Being with a short man has really changed my perspective

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Hi everyone, so I’m f27, and 5 9”. My fiancé m30 is 5 6”. Obviously as a woman I’ve experienced a lot of pressure from media and everyone talks about that, but since a man who is short and also balding has entered my life I’ve realised that for certain things the pressure on men might even be worse. When we started dating I suddenly started noticing in movies the man is almost never shorter or even the same height, I mean I watch a movie every night and can think of maybe 2 where there is a height difference and it’s not a gag. Same with the balding. It’s honestly really depressing and no one talks about it, at least not in the mainstream. I think with how things have improved most women can find someone in media who looks like them, but for men who are short? Not good enough for any romance ever apparently unless the director can use forced perspective to make him seem taller. Anyway I don’t really know why I’m posting this, I just wish there was more of a movement for men in media the way there is for women, and I’m sorry to all the men who have been told the pressure isn’t as bad as with women.


r/short 11h ago

Motivation I'm a 5'6 guy. Geuniely once I graduated highschool I lost nearly all my insecurity about my height.

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I'm in my second year of college now at 19. I'm in engineering, so almost everyone in my classes are guys and taller than me. But I have never once gotten flak for my height by anyone in my classes. I have also dated a bit in college. (I go to community college so the dating scene is absolutely cooked though) Went on 3 dates with girls in the past year, out of asking 7 girls, 3 cold approaches, 1 was a coworker, and the other 2 were classmates. It didn't turn into anything long term, but it had nothing to do with height. The girls that went out with me all saw me in person and could have guess my height before I ever asked them out. (And they never asked about my height either)

I'm mentioning this to try to give everyone else in here reassurance that being on the shorter side as a guy is not as big of a disadvantage or issue as some of you may think. In highschool I thought my height was a huge issue and I was always going to be assumed to be way younger and treated rudely because of my height by both men and women.

The last time I can remember my height causing anything negative was in 11th grade (I stopped growing around beginning of 11th) some guy made a joke about my height. And even then it was a joke, and I doubt he understood how insecure I was about my height in 11th grade.

In fact, the most recent thing mentioned about my height was a few months ago, when someone guessed I was 5'8, a whole 2 inches taller than my actual height. That was actually a really big confidence booster, because I personally considered 5'8-5'10 the height I would have preferred to have reached.

So, for any guys in highschool that are on the shorter end, I promise it will get better once you graduate.


r/short 8h ago

Awesome! The joys of band photos

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Our drummer isn't there but he's 6'4 haha


r/short 6h ago

Fashion / Style Being 4'7 it's hard to find dresses (I don't even like wearing dresses) but when I do I hardly find the cute ones 😭

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Sometimes I wear long shirts that are like "shirt dress" you know just because I love the style with short shorts.

But I do have dresses I wear, I don't like wearing skirts much neither dresses, but I don't know, I think I I used to wear skirts when I was younger..

But dresses? Tall dresses are so beautiful that I want to try but too big for me...

Now I don't always complain because ofc if I find a long dress I definitely buy it and take it to get it fix so they can shorten it to my height.


r/short 2h ago

Motivation 5’7 doesn’t affect me

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Hi all,

Title may be misleading, don’t get me wrong, some days I wish I would wake up taller. I live in the uk, and so have forever felt small, especially with my group of friends all being 5’10 +.

However, at school I was the best rugby player in my year and played up a year and was in the 1st team at 16. Tried Jui Jitsu and mui Thai for some years and was beating on guys 6 foot plus and 30kgs heavier than me.

With girls, never had a problem, not like I’m some sort of casa nova, but, whenever I try to get myself out there I usually succeed.

For all the lads here who feel lesser than (trust me, I have days where I feel the same), as a mid 20 year old who has money in the bank, good mates, in good shape and handsome (so I’ve been told 😉), life could be a lot worse.

I saw a post today about a girl who’s taller than her boyfriend, she talked about societies view on them and how the media portrays the pressures on men. Social media and the wider media’s views on us as a human race are all a bunch of shit. Be happy, go outside, touch grass. There’s a girl or guy for everyone!

Warmest regards,
You’re friendly neighbourhood short king


r/short 8h ago

Awesome! WOW

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Iam not new to reddit but I rarley used it iam 5,5 and i always struggled with my height growing up because everyone was taller than me includinng practically every girl ive ever met I just recently found this community ik sounds stupid because of how long i have been using reddit for cus I just use reddit when i find a common problem that I cant solve. I just hope yall have a blessed and great happy lives.


r/short 17h ago

Question If being tall is something you could work on like building muscles at the gym, how tall would everyone be?

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Intrusive thought


r/short 18h ago

Heightism 1.70🥲

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r/short 20h ago

Motivation 5'5". Still reaching higher. One rep at a time. 💪

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r/short 18h ago

Humor Fun-sized frolic in a sculpture garden

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Went to a sculpture garden today in my parachute-pants and crawled under a lot of stuff! Working hard to put the "fun" in "fun-sized"


r/short 17h ago

Vent The internet ruined me

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For context I’m 5’6.7 but I claim to be 5’7. Never in my life have I been called short and I used to think I was so tall Until one day I measured myself at the gym and started googling about my height. The results I got were so shocking to me because I considered myself tall 🤣 mu fyp would be like “Nobody cares how buff you are if you’re below 5’7” or “who’s genuinely choosing a short guy over a tall guy” or “if you’re below 5’10 you’re cooked”

I became so depressed that I started buying different kinds of scales to make sure about the height that I have. I started getting jealous whenever I see taller guys at the supermarket or the gym and I’d passed by them to compare my height with theirs and they would give me the ‘are you okay?’ looks

I became a very weird person that all I talk about is height until recently I got the wave of what the hell am I doing to myself? This is the height that I have and I can’t change it I’d rather change the things that are changeable.


r/short 19h ago

Vent Just needed a place to say I’m feeling down

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Don’t really have anyone to talk to about this because no one really cares to hear it but I’ve been striking out left and right lately in the dating game and Ik my height is a huge factor in it. For some back round I live in MN where people are pretty tall where I myself am not tall standing at 5’3.

For about a year now I’ve been hitting multiple dating apps hard(I know I know spare me the lecture) and just haven’t gotten much luck. I’ll say I’ve met up with a few girls on tinder that were able to look past it tho it never worked out. Mainly because they ALL lived two hours away which is an insane commute. I’m not exaggerating ether. I live in the north metro and one of the girls I talked too lived in Mankato, one in the Duluth area, one in the Winona area and one deep out in Wisconsin somewhere.

After June I hit a pretty hard dry spell even tho I was still hitting the apps as hard as i usually do and been out to social events to try my luck there. And it just doesn’t work, I’m not rude nor disrespectful I try to keep the conversation entertaining asking about their hobbies and stuff and I just always seem to strike out. People say I have a pretty good personality but no one Lady ever seems interested. The average bro that I meet seem to like me, Gays love me(wish I was gay sometimes), older people like me as well. When I say older I mean 30s and up I’m 26 but yeah they like me as well. But women in my dating range do not.


r/short 18h ago

Question Anyone else can’t make friends ? or is it just me?

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I feel like it’s because I’m a 5’3 guy. In social settings, people never talk to me / get to know me. The last time I had friends was in early high school. I feel so lonely.


r/short 12h ago

Question Are everyvone lying on their height ?

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This one of these things I just saw recently, I see a post about Naruto characters in Shippuden asking what character have the closer height you have

And everybody starts to claim that Naruto is a short guy (1m66) and they're all the height of Jiraya (1m91) Gai maito (1m85) or for 2 or 3 people kakashi (1m80)

Now I found that weird, how EVERYONE is more than 1m80 in a single discussion ? I feel like most of these people are lying with a straight face and this not only about this post I feel everywhere on social media people lying, but also in real life

I also find out weird on how so many people call 1m66 short when it's not really the case, like yes of course this is below the average for a man but c'mon is not THAT short ,there is a difference between statistics and real life appearance

But honestly I don't know maybe I'm wrong but this is really weird how everyone is suddenly 6 ft or 1m80 I highly suspect people lying on that, and that's not a good thing for like Everyone

I even see someone say, "can you imagine superman if he was 5'7 ? This would ugly" (???) I feel like people focus too much on height now because if someone is 5'7 5'6 or 6 ft, it doesn't really change that much


r/short 22h ago

Question 22M, 5'4 - Do I look taller, shorter or exact??

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22M


r/short 19h ago

Question shorter than everyone in my family

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my mom is 5’4, dad 6’, dads parents were 6’2 & 5’8, mom’s parents 6’4 & 5’3, sister is 5’6

might be a stupid question but how is it possible that im 5’1?


r/short 22h ago

Motivation My thoughts on height boosters.

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I have seen height booster insoles become a huge topic as someone who wore them to work daily it’s not worth it, for reference I am 5’8 I would wear a shoe with a deep sole and add about 3 inches to make me 5’11.

I can honestly tell you it’s not worth it I wore them number 1 to impress girls number 2 more confident, it only helps with number 1 temporarily as soon as you take the shoes of it’s over you will feel like shit. I also noticed after a long day of wearing them my posture would be cooked I would measure closer to 5’7.

Also people are smart they can tell, some people will say nah bro trust they can’t tell. I had my friend record a video with my boosters and without, even a 2 inch boost it looked like i I was leaning forward on my tippy toes.

My best honest advice find a shoe 1.3-2 inches without boosters there are a few out there, it will give you a little push and you won’t have to feel like shit mentally and physically (ankle and leg pain :/) - if you like to go to bars and clubs the boosters are an option (because most guys I feel at bars will do something)

Hope this helps


r/short 1d ago

Vent I get celebrating being short but this is just stupid

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Recently I stumbled on this reel by

@daniel_j_perafan

And just want to ask others how stupid is this just because you are insecure you should not put others down about their height and claim it as science

He doesn't show any evidence/study for said logic

Being short is not bad but this kind of behaviour especially in public is

If this is true and there are studies to prove this I would happily be educated

I don't intend this as rage bait just need to if this kind of thing is supported


r/short 1d ago

Heightism Date immediately left cause I was too short

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So I met up with my hinge date outside the bar and we were about to go in and immediately she said I don't think we should do this. I said what, she then said this has happened to her before where guys lied to her about their age or height, then she asked why I lied on my profile about my height.

The thing is I didn't. I'm 5"8 but put 5"9 in my profile cause I wear a height insole (no shame). I'm actually almost 5"10 with them when I measured but I didn't want to fraud that much so I just put 5"9. She then said well she thought I'd be taller.

I then said well I don't think I can convince you to change your mind anyways at this point so there's no point in this have a nice day and walked away.

This is the first time this happened to me. Worst part is she was like 5"4-5"5. My only regret is not pulling out my profile right there in person to show her. unmatched her and blocked her immediately after.


r/short 15h ago

Question Do you agree…

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Do you agree with this?

Do you agree that others (whom you’re interested in), as a general matter, agree with this?


r/short 1d ago

Cooler runs are 🔥 M60 4'4"

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Got in a 1 hour run before lunch.