I’m literally shaking just typing this. Honestly, this show is more proof democracy is over. Our Electoral College is literally wearing unblended clown makeup. George Washington would NEVER.
Also not saying the judges over at Drag Race China and Venezuela interfered w/ the votes. Just noting the ‘existence’ of the possibility.
RuPaul could announce that Crystal has negative seven points, was technically eliminated in Episode 4 and has been living inside the Untucked vending machine for three weeks AND SHE WOULD STILL enter the finale as the frontrunner.
All because she gagged Ru with her Weird Al Yankovic impression, where Ru laughed like the wicked witch until she ran out of oxygen and is now a vegetable on life support.
Anyways it’s going to go down something like this:
The test tube that Crystal was born in is in the audience and tells a heartfelt story about being a single parent raising Crystal in the slums of Misery.
Then an AI hologram of Crystal as a child appears and says her only wish is to grow up and shill for the RuPaul’s mobile game and how inspired she is by schedule II controlled substances. She signs off by telling the audience to commit voter fraud on behalf of Larry Ellison & Paramount+.
Crystal will emerge in a rainbow papier-mâché traffic cone with 17 googly eyes and a live oak tree growing out of her ass. Then she removes the cone to reveal a cunty clown lumberjack number. She chops the tree into firewood and donates it to the judges.
RuPaul: “Crystal…you took us somewhere tonight.”
Michelle: “I don’t see the resemblance.”
Ross Mathews bitch slaps Michelle and weeps because he is so moved by Crystal’s look.
Ru, paying homage to her vegetable state, appears in cunty Larry the Cucumber drag and says Congratulations, Crystal Methyd. You are the winner of this week’s challenge, next week’s challenge and several challenges that have not yet been conceived.
Ru wraps up the broadcast saying Crystal will be starring all by herself in Stop That Train 2: Rigga Morris Strikes Back, directed by Ginger Minj, in theaters this Thanksgiving.