Hi, I’m still in, have been so for almost 30 years.
From about the age of 14 I started to realise none of it was truly real, especially the governing body. I have come to a different appreciation of the Bible since then, from a fresh perspective, and still internally consider myself Christian to some degree.
I’ve lurked here for years, really enjoyed some of the things I’ve read, and for the most part it has sealed my lack of faith. From the age my faith started crumbling I started having more fun with life, lots of sneaking out, a couple birthdays, even watched Harry Potter.
The things is, as I got older I didn’t take decisive action, I was weak willed. I’m now married in, most of my family are in, all of my friends are in, I don’t have a network outside. I’m bad at socialising with non-witnesses, I love my wife dearly, I cherish my family (mostly), I feel totally trapped.
She would never admit it, but I’m fairly convinced my wife has doubts, she is happy to engage in jokes about the state of the updates, the terrible songs, how boring and useless it all feels. But anytime the conversation has a more serious tone, that’s it, she’s straight back to her programming.
I’ve become quite depressed in the last year, it’s hurt my marriage and I can’t truly talk to her about why it’s happening. She’s asked me to consider therapy, and I think I will. It would be the first time in my life that I’ll be able to be honest with someone 100%.
What an absolutely ridiculous thing to be born into a doomsday cult. I feel so utterly foolish for spending as much time on it, and remorseful for the time I’m going to give to it in the future. I don’t see myself leaving unless I can wake my wife up, it wouldn’t be worth it to me. She is utterly wonderful, just unknowingly trapped.
I’m just here to say hello, and then get back to grinning and bearing it. It is getting so much harder, the meetings are so much more painful, ministry is draining, I can’t bear to even smile when my partner tells me they’re going live in a nice house they’ve seen while on the doors when everyone is wiped out...
A Hail Mary message to my wife - if you’re somehow reading this and you’ve recognised my writing, let’s make the most of the life we have left.