So.. my MIL came for a visit this past weekend and 2 hours into her visit she yells at my husband to get out of the bathroom once he started doing his business. It took him a second to finish his business but it was within 30 seconds.

She gets up from my couch and is standing in the middle of my living room when my husband tells her the bathroom is free. My MIL starts screaming that it’s “leaking” and that she can’t move. She then starts screaming to get her a towel or something for the floor and for her to walk on… now the smell is starting.

My husband calls me to the linen closet to help him get something for her so I give him some old pillowcases. —> side note, one of the pillowcases she gave to us, it’s old, we never use it but she refused to get it “soiled”… anyways

She starts waddling to the bathroom, I have my head in the closet bc 1, I can’t look at what’s going on and 2, the smell is fucking awful but I have to get away bc the linen closet is next to the bathroom and she’s on her way to me. I see the shit dripping down her leg. She’s laughing, I’m disgusted beyond reason.

She’s in the shower and I’m lighting incense, candles, matches.. anything to help with the smell. The spot where she “started leaking” in the living room is covered until she gets out of the shower. At the point I’m hiding in my bedroom bc I just can’t deal and I’m hearing her give my husband shit (pun intended) for not cleaning HER SHIT off the living room floor and how she used to wipe his ass when he was a baby. I was so close to screaming - “HE WAS HELPLESS AND INNOCENT. YOU’RE A GROWN WOMAN!” But I decided that wasn’t a battle I needed to take on.

She cleaned her mess, I sprayed antibacterial spray all over the place. She seemed to be offended but I didn’t care. You just shit yourself in my living room… but the cherry on the cake was the next morning.

The day before she had put her shit infested clothes into a plastic bag and left it on my balcony - at first she left it on my kitchen counter 🙃 - and when I was done with my laundry she says, “oh good I need to wash my clothes.” I laughed and said there’s a laundromat up the street.. she then was 100% offended and said that “I’m being ridiculous” and “what am I going to do when I have kids!?” My husband pulled me aside and asked if she could just clean her clothes.

I gave in.

When her clothes came out she also had side comments like, “oh look, no shit in your washing machine.” Or “honey I would’ve taken the stuff home to wash but then I would have your towel.”

Shut. The. Fuck. Up.

Was I over reacting though?! I need to know.

I’m literally at my wits end with this. To preface, the house is under my husband’s name, she lives with us. So this MIL is extremely stubborn, to the point where she will literally argue with a professional because she believes she’s right. So for the past week, every single time we leave the house she would go inside our room and spray the entire washroom down with undiluted bleach and crank the heat up to the max and shut the door. She believes this is killing the mold in our bathroom (which we don’t have). The biggest issue in all of this is that our cat likes to hangout in our room, and she can easily open the bathroom door. Ever since she’s been doing this my cat has been reverse sneezing, and my husband and I have been having headaches and sore throats. It’s to the point where I’m seriously contemplating calling the cops to remove her. We’ve told her many times that there is no mold and that the bleach situation is extremely dangerous especially for the cat. But she will literally scream saying she’s right, that we don’t know how to take care of the house and that she’s been doing this her whole life. I just can’t fight with someone who won’t accept the facts. My husband had a huge fight with her but obviously because it’s his mom, he doesn’t want to evict her. It’s crazy to say that no one in this world triggers me more than her. Not even my own parents, which is insane to say because I’m not even close with them.

Edit: for the time being I’m gonna move my cat and I to my parents house. He can deal with this bs on his own since he doesn’t want to do his mommy wrong 😇

Okay so I don't even know where to start...

My MIL has finally been ex-communicated after sending me a series of abusive texts, which included her telling me that my husband only "puts up with me" because I "trapped him by getting pregnant". She also threatened me and said "I'll make sure you're out of our lives one day".

So basically she's never liked me. She's always talked trash about me to my other in-laws from the very first day we met, even though I thought our first encounter was a positive experience.

My relationship with her took a huge turn after the birth of my daughter (now 18mo). She was just being over-bearing and incessantly rocking up unannounced so my husband had to tell her to give us a bit of space. She isn't used to her son telling her to back off because she sees him as her baby boy and not a grown man, so obviously she assumed that he was just being my messenger. This really infuriated her so the next time she came over she barged into my room and gave me attitude. At this point I was 3 weeks post partum and severely sleep deprived so this obviously didn't go down well.

The fight I will accept partial responsibility because I did call her names, but she has never accepted responsibility for starting it and has gone around telling everyone how 'crazy' I am ever since. FWIW she said some really nasty things in the fight too, including telling me I shouldn't have had a baby if I couldn't handle it, and telling me I was only there because I got pregnant. My husband and I had a massive fight afterwards because I felt he took her side.

Whatever, I let that go eventually for my husband's sake because I know how much he cares about her. But then she had a fight with my SIL (her own daughter) and since then has been hanging out with my SIL's ex and disparaging her to him and her 10yo son, purely out of spite.

When I heard about this I told my husband I don't feel comfortable letting her see out daughter when I'm not present. Of course when he had to tell her this, she went off and sent those abusive texts (para 1).

For further context, she has basically no one in her family left because she does this to everyone until they just don't want to be around her anymore, so it's not just me. She also has a bad habit of trying to turn everyone she possibly can against her enemies, even if that means trying to destroy marriages, parent-child relationships etc.

Now, because I want nothing to do with her and she's not allowed to see my daughter, she still expects my husband to go see her at least once a month. Him and I work alternating shifts so we don't have to put our daughter in childcare so we really only get about 6 days per month to spend quality family time together, and now she's expecting to see him at least 1 of those days.

I would also like to add he doesn't WANT to hang out with her (so he tells me) but just does it to keep the peace because she spirals out of control when she's not getting enough attention.

I can't help but feel a little bit betrayed because he's choosing to hang out with the person who has tried to destroy us over his own family. I also get a bit squeamish every time he sees her because I know she has tried in the past to get in his ear and turn him against me. Even though she's lost a lot of credibility she's not one to be underestimated when it comes to lying and manipulating people.

Am I overreacting by getting a bit butthurt every time he chooses to spend time with her instead of us?

Back story:

Me (28F), daughter (13months), and my husband (28M) l, live with our in-laws (mom/dad/sisterx2).

We have a basement studio without bathroom or kitchen. But a lot of living space. We have been living in this arrangement since daughter was born, as we moved back from living far away, and our hometown area is VERY expensive. Both me and my husband, and his family were excited about this living arrangement as it meant extra help for us with the baby, living rent-free, and grandparents being able to see grandbaby every day. While living with family we also moved (as a whole) from a townhome complex, into a huge house with big yard and nice quiet neighborhood. This was because my husband joined the title and therefore his parents could afford a bigger house. My husband is not paying anything, but by joining the title we are unable to get future rebates when purchasing our own first home. Our country gives a tax-rebate for first time homeowners which we now cannot qualify for. No big deal though, as we love where we live.

Now to yesterday’s debacle. We found out we are pregnant with baby #2. This is very fresh, like 3 weeks in. I didn’t care to share but my husband is really excited and wanted to share so I said whatever and we told our families. My family was super excited and happy. When we told his family during dinner, his sister (only 1 was there) was really excited. His dad didn’t seem to really super duper understand? But ended up being happy for us and bringing out some wine to celebrate. His mom? No reaction. Did not say anything. Then left the dinner table altogether. I thought maybe she didn’t understand? Missed the memo? There is a language barrier and sometimes she just is oblivious to things so I thought she might have completely missed what happened. But no. She came back for dessert and there was just an awkward tension. I ended up excusing myself and went down to our room because I didn’t wanna be up there with them anymore.

When my husband came to join me later, he told me him and his mom argued after I left. He didn’t wanna tell me what she said because he didn’t want to hurt my feelings but I got it out of him. Apparently his mom thinks I’m lazy and messy and thinks it must be a cultural difference (I’m western European, they are south American) and thinks I’m not pulling my weight in the relationship and make my husband do everything. Cooking. Cleaning. Laundry. etc.

Ouch.

We share the chores. Haven’t had any issues. I am not messy beyond reason. Maybe a cup left on the counter here and there. Or some baby clothes left by her toys. You’d think by her comments that I leave dirty diapers laying around, or walk around with muddy shoes. Nope. I am still on maternity leave (taking extended), and she is also a stay at home mom. So it’s not like she has a busy rough job and comes home to a cup on the counter which then freaks her out. I also do my fair share of household chores when I can. Take in/out the garbage. Empty/fill dishwasher. Clean counters.

Whatever. Not gonna let her childish attitude and behaviour ruin my life. But grow the fuck up. To act like a child when being told your second grandbaby is on the way is absurd.

Husband can’t get off the title until February so we can’t buy anything until then. Maybe we will look at renting. I’ve always had a great relationship with his mom so this is really sour.

What do you think or do to achieve an IDGAF attitude and show it to your JNMIL who tries to other or exclude you, is rude to you, questions you about your personal choices (which are different from hers) in a pointed manner, displays internalised misogyny, mutters to herself angrily or sulks or cries in her room if you do or say anything to upset her

No idea when this even started but at some point within the past few years my in-laws have decided I am the worst cook alive and have refused to touch a single dish that comes from my kitchen. Bringing desserts used to be my thing (which everyone seemed to enjoy quite a lot) but my in-laws stopped eating them. Ok, not sweets people. No biggie, I’ll make a side. Nope, they won’t touch those either. I host Thanksgiving last year — they eat 90 percent ham, turkey and rolls. Today we have them for a BBQ — they only eat the chicken they brought and store bought potato salad. My husband encourages them to eat the sides I made and FIL eats a few macaroni noodles and then basically says he’s full.

I told my husband at this point, I’m done hosting them. It’s beyond rude and every other friend and family members seems to really enjoy my cooking (asks for leftovers to take home, etc.). Anyone else have lovely in-laws who behave this way?

I’m LC with my MIL after years of passive-aggressive behavior that came to a head after my first child was born. It nearly ruined my marriage, and DH’s relationship with her is now limited and strained.

MIL rarely sees our daughter and often guilt-trips DH about it. Her interactions with LO tend to be awkward, like she doesn't know how to talk to a toddler. She recently told him she’s struggling to feel excited about our second baby because she hardly sees the first, which understandably hurt him.

My FIL died this past winter, and MIL is selling the home they shared for 45 years. She lives about an hour away. DH recently went to help prepare it for showings and learned it still needs extensive work. BIL has already been helping several days a week, but progress is slow, so DH now feels he needs to go more often.

I’m due in six weeks or less and considered high risk. We also have an almost-3-year-old. We were hoping to spend our remaining weekends as a family of three before the baby arrives, but DH may now be spending them at his mom’s house.

I understand that MIL is grieving and that DH wants to help, but I think she should hire professionals. If the goal is to maximize the sale price, that seems more reasonable than relying on her adult children for weeks.

I feel selfish because I have help from my nearby parents, but this still feels like terrible timing. They knew the house was going on the market and that I’m due in October.

There needs to be a limit between helping a widowed parent through a major transition and becoming responsible for preparing her house for sale six weeks before your wife gives birth.

My mil won’t stop describing my baby as short tempered when he cries. When he was 2 days old and even 2 weeks old when he wouldn’t stop crying in her arms she’d say omg you’re so short-tempered youre just like your mom. She made the same comment a few times before and after that told me I’m shot tempered.

To be fair, maybe she has seen me lose my cool with my husband for wanting to drive my siblings 4 hours though the freeway in his camero without a seatbelt. Yes I did lose my temper when he kept laughing when I asked him politely to not do that again and he kept mocking me saying nothing would happen. And other stupid things he does I do lost my cool.

But I’ve never lost my cool with her. The worst I’ve done is told her through a text message about illnesses and why kissing a newborn is not a good idea after her and her daughter repeatedly done it. But I’m honestly a shy person I’m really not confrontational other than when I do express myself with my husband who likes rage baiting.

We were over at her house once again and now that my son is a toddler once again when he was crying he says he’s so short tempered just like his mom in front of all her side of family.

What would you do if your mother in law did this. Imagine I did this? I’d be crucified and she also gets angry with her husband as well. Idk how would you respond if your mother in law constantly made that comment.

I'm vegetarian and my husband and in laws are meat eaters and enjoy it immensely. This doesn't get in the way of my and my husband relationship at all, he never asks me to cook or eat meat, eats whatever he wants when we go out and I don't mind cooking meat for him once in a while at home. We've even agreed to feed our child meat for the nutritional benefits and I'm fine with it. My MIL however seems to have a weird mania about meat. Whenever she has a conversation with me it somehow circles back to some meat related incident, how my husband loves meat, planning to cook meat for him, etc. She repeatedly asks me to eat it as well even though I've politely told her no, she presses for reasons and I say that I just don't like it. She makes it a point to discuss my food habits with our friends and family in a sort of pointed way. She asks weird questions like, if I make this meat recipe and add potatoes to it, will you eat the potatoes and gravy? - to which I responded no, because it would have no nutritional value, I think she's trying to trick me into eating meat somehow. Once she served me a plate with some food in it which I knew included meat, someone pointed it out to her like oh (MIL's name) you've served her meat, and MIL acted surprised as though she didn't realise what she'd done and then said to me, why don't you try it anyway? The other day she was talking about the wives of two of our male relatives who were married recently, and she literally only spoke about how they cooked/ate meat with her in an appreciative way. My husband has called her out on this behaviour in the past saying I won't eat meat and she needs to stop asking, but very often she does it when he isn't around. Sick of this, I feel she's doing it to highlight how I'm different from them and not trying to fit in.

any tips to get it taken down? because yall, im flabbergasted. after having major fights with her twice (once when baby was born and they put a picture of her naked on the scale, a second time with a selfie the first time we came to visit them) where she finally relented and removed the facebook pics (my FIL didn’t so we reported them and they were taken down) now i see this.

her whatsapp profile picture with my baby’s face on it.

like … really??? what is social media? it’s a place where you put content up that you want people to see without explicitly sending it to them. what difference is there between this profile picture and a social media post? even if it’s set to contacts only, can you really verify that all of your contacts are normal people? and besides that, can you just respect this one major rule???

My sister is autistic, epileptic and has developmental delay. She is currently unwell with a cold. When she gets unwell she has more seizures. My mum works and is home by 4pm. Right now they are living temporarily in my grandma’s house as my parents are moving abroad and keeping my sister in assisted living as she is now over 18, but it is not yet in place.

I came back to visit my family with my young son who is 9 months old. I would usually stay over at my parent’s house, but obviously they have sold their home and have made arrangements to move abroad. So I’m staying on a blow up bed in my grandma’s guest room.

Anyway, my mum comes back from work today and is annoyed at me that my sister is upstairs alone and unsupervised. I told her I literally left the room for 20 minutes to put my baby asleep and my sister ran back up to her bedroom. My mum said to me that she wouldn’t leave my child alone if he was ill she would just take them into the same room together. I explained my son finds it hard to settle for a nap if there is other things going on in the background, especially now he is teething. I spend the entire day telling my sister to sit downstairs because I could see she was unwell but obviously my son needed my attention too so at least my grandma could be physically present and notify me if anything happened to her. She kept running upstairs as soon as I left the room. There’s only so much I can do.

My mum expects me to supervise my sister as well as manage everything with my own baby too, plus cleaning up so my grandma doesn’t have to, plus cooking for us, plus doing a food shop for us, plus remembering to give my sister her medication 3 times a day. I also have ADHD myself which I’m currently unmedicated for as I was breastfeeding. My sister has seizures which I don’t know how to deal with because nobody has explained it to me. I have 3 vulnerable people in the house with me (my son, my elderly grandma and my sister). Who am I meant to give my attention to first? What if I’m making my baby’s milk and my sister has a seizure? I’m going to end up getting blamed for something that was out of my hands and not in my control because I’m being given too much responsibility that I never agreed to.

My husband and I have mutually agreed that I won’t be travelling back down to visit my family unless he comes with me and even then it won’t be for a more than a weekend. I just feel really upset because the whole reason I came back was to get a break and relax and spend time with my family.

Peep my last few posts to get context about my JNMIL.

DH and I had a discussion about Labor Day plans, and I explained to him that there is no way where it will sit ok with me if he goes somewhere where I don’t feel welcome, and I don’t feel safe especially with unresolved conflict since May. Discussed boundaries and how if he continues to give her the time of day without holding her accountable that it just shows her she can get away with disrespecting me, and that it will just be a bit rocky for a while, but eventually he will come around. He understood my stance and has been doing good at backing me more recently, though it was hard to get to this point I try to focus on how he is doing now and not the past.

JNMIL and DH had a conversation this morning about how he will not be coming to their event and that she still has yet to apologize and she suddenly has this sense of urgency to give me a call and talk about it. (It’s giving, “this is gonna look odd if the family dynamic is shifting and I can’t have that so let’s wrap this up”)

He said “you literally told me her family was not important” and she said she never said that, she doesn’t know what he’s talking about and he doubled down and said yes you actually did say that directly to me.

The voicemail:

“Hi, it’s JNMIL, DH’s mom. Look, I want to talk to you about what’s been going on. I hate that that ruined our entire summer. So when you get a minute please call me. The sooner the better, thanks. Bye”

Delusional.

Why would I call you right before you host your entire family over? So you can continue your smear campaign? Also, the blame shifting is fucking nuts. The consequences of your own actions is why your summer is ruined. I’m just done putting up with your bullshit.

Now FIL wants to come over Wednesday with just him just to “get an understanding”.

I don’t even know what to say. I definitely felt DH handled things well given the resources he started with (freshly emerged from an enmeshed family dynamic). Though I don’t know what my FIL expects from this conversation.

Things that have happened or what were said for quick context:

Mother’s Day 2025 she said “I only have two boys, your mom has 5 kids. So my time is more important” word for word.

Dec 2025 told me “well you know navigating the holidays is stressful enough” and then telling me my grandparents need to get over their divorce in regards to the fact that we were leaving his family Christmas at 8pm to go see my grandpa. Proceeded to kick me out of the house because she could see that I was not going to bend. Later told DH “imagine someone just coming over and telling you what they are planning to do for the holidays without any regard to us”

Told me not to be so boring, and another time told me I was bossy

Dinner plans: “does 7 work or do you need earlier?” I stated we had plans after dinner and would prefer to do 5:30 if that’s okay because it was my friends birthday. She cancelled dinner stated “if I knew I would be going home after I would have made plans” ….no communication for plans after dinner. Later told DH that we canceled on her and he said no you canceled on us and greed gets you nothing.

Mother’s Day 2026 2 weeks in advance I asked my DH if they made plans yet. He stated no. My mom had reached out wanting to do dinner at our house and host my brothers and in laws (navigating 8 peoples schedules is difficult. But we made it happen for dinner) I told him reach out to your mom and say we are available for lunch time but if she prefers to come over she can. She threw a huge fit “so you’re not coming over for Mother’s Day” “we always do dinner” (no we don’t) “you guys aren’t even married” “are they really that important” guilt and manipulation to get him to bend. Also told us she already told his aunts that we were going to go to dinner with them but never communicated it with us. Constantly setting expectations instead of asking us. Also being massively disrespectful to our relationship. At this point I was fucking done haven’t spoken to her since. There was so much more but I can’t even remember all of it because it was just so much. DH Coming home super upset every day after work because she would basically be screaming at him on the phone. Told me “I have never been screamed at like that before and I have never been this angry at my mom and I don’t think things will ever be the same”

Father’s Day 2026 texted me invite to Father’s Day. Told DH I don’t know what to say and that we were busy I would reply tomorrow. She texted him the next morning calling me disrespectful for not replying.

Subtly suggested I leave my DH because at one point he had a drinking issue that she caught wind of. Stated “you know if FIL was like that, I would leave”

Not included in the above is the amount of times we had stated boundaries for plans and the amount of times she had tried to get us to change them. Her phrase was “you know I don’t change plans for anybody.” But she simultaneously expects us to bend any chance we get. Constantly trying to get us to come by earlier, or later or leave early for things etc.

By the way, the other DIL has also had struggles the last 15 years they have been together. So this isn’t news.

I have seen a lot of posts on here about MIL trying to get your baby alone and it sickens me. Trigger warning S/A self harm.

My ex MIL birthed a very horrible man who groomed me at 17 (he was 21) I unfortunately married him at 18 and had my baby at 19. I was grossly inexperienced and so naturally she took full advantage and did a lot of the behaviors I see described here but on steroids. I always felt uneasy and never left her alone with my MIL. Fast forward a few years and I divorced the ex husband and moved states away.

I had primary custody and my ex had occasional visits and when she was around 5 he started taking her for the summers. The problem? He dumped her off with his mom while he was out womanizing/partying etc. At the time she had custody of her other grandchild a boy, 10 at the time. Years later in middle school my daughter started self harming and after several therapists and me searching through her phone I found out that her cousin had S/A'd her. Turns out my ex MIL was not keeping a close eye on them and this went on for YEARS.

This blew up the family essentially we reported to the sheriff but were basically told they were both kids and it wasn't prosecutable. My daughter is now 23 and has had an INCREDIBLY hard time since. Self harming, eating disorder, depression, a few stays in different mental hospitals for suicidal ideation. She is doing well now thank God but it has been the hardest most heartbreaking thing we have ever had to go through.

My advice is never ever leave your child alone at any age with anyone you don't 💯 trust. I didn't have a choice in the matter because of custody it was his prerogative to use her as a babysitter. Moreso, if you end up getting a divorce be firm in your parenting plan who can and cannot be allowed to watch your child while they are with the other parent. If you can identify anyone in the ex husbands life that is unsafe, be fucking loud about it.

I want everyone to know this and think about the people in your children's lives and control what you can. Even on the exes side. Hopefully this helps somebody in some way, thanks for reading ❤️

My MIL told me that her brother’s daughter recently gave birth to a baby boy. She mentioned that the girl’s mother is not staying with her and will only come/go after the 6th day for the Chhathi celebration.
One day before this conversation, I had told my MIL that my mom would be coming and staying with us for one month. I had also told my in-laws that they could stay with us until the 6th day, after which I would only need my mom for support. She didn’t say anything about it at the time.
But the next day, while telling me this story about her niece, she asked why the girl’s mother wasn’t staying with her. My MIL then said that, “in our side, the girl’s mother shouldn’t stay for long at the daughter’s house.” She also added that during her own pregnancies, she would only call her MIL for support.
I obviously took this personally because I had literally told her just the day before that my mom would be staying with me for one month, while I had told my in-laws they could stay only until Chhathi. I got angry and called my FIL, and my husband also got involved. My husband took my side and told her that earlier, the reason mothers didn’t come and stay was because daughters used to live in their husband’s father’s house, but now this is our own house. He literally pointed at me and said, “It’s her house. She can call anyone she wants, and her mother can stay as long as she wants.”
My MIL then started crying and saying that she was only talking about her niece and that she meant nothing about me, and that I was taking it personally.
She then started bringing up other things and saying that she also felt bad about how I had told her she would have to leave after Chhathi instead of staying for a month along with my mom.
We have also had some boundaries in the past, like not sharing my pregnancy details with other people and not doing any baby-related functions without waiting for the baby to arrive. She brought up all of those things too and started crying about how she felt hurt, etc.
She also wanted us to buy the baby’s clothes only after the baby was born, but we decided that we wanted to buy them before. So basically, all these different things came up during the argument and it turned into a huge emotional drama.
Now they are here with us. I am 7 months pregnant and live with my husband. Everyone is acting completely normal now—my MIL is behaving normally, my husband is normal, and my FIL is normal.
But I don’t feel normal. I still feel hurt and uncomfortable, and I don’t know how I’m supposed to respond to everyone acting like nothing happened.
Part of me is wondering whether I am overreacting and should just let it go, especially since I already called her out and my husband clearly took my side.
What would you do in this situation? Should I just act normal and move on, or is it reasonable that I still feel uncomfortable after everything that was said?

This is more of a rant than anything but my MIL raves and goes on and on about the importance of family and tries so hard to make it seem like all of us are so close when we're really not. We all get together a couple times a month but it's always so surface level. She NEVER asks my about my job, my friends, my hobbies. Anything. She doesn't know anything about me but like I said, acts like we're all this amazing big happy family, taking pictures of us at any outing and posting them. It's also strange because she'll ask my husband questions about me when it's just the two of them but doesn't ask my anything when we're together. My husband and I also have an almost 3 year old daughter and she's obsessed with her and will sometime even ignore me / not even greet me when I walk in the door with her.

I don't know if she doesn't like me, is jealous of me, or if this is just how she is - a surface level woman who only really cares about herself.

My mother is angry with me, and I’m trying to figure out whether I’m actually in the wrong here.

We had a small family party on Saturday with some family members, and everything was good and nice.

My husband, our oldest child, and I are currently on leave. During the party, my mother asked if they could take our oldest child for a few days, Monday–Wednesday. We said we would think about it, but we were on vacation and wanted to spend the time with our child before the baby arrived.

She seemed a little disappointed by that, especially because she was having surgery on Thursday. It was planned and nothing too serious, but she knew she wouldn’t be able to drive or do much for a few weeks afterward.

That same night, I unexpectedly went into labour quite a bit earlier than planned.

The plan had always been for my father and my mother-in-law to help with our oldest child. They both live relatively close to us and to the hospital, so it made the most sense.

My mother and father have been divorced for more than 30 years, and she has a tendency to voice her not so nice opinions of him as he wasn't the best father always, probably due to him having a rough childhood, but he's an amazing grandpa to our child.

During the night, my MIL came over, and my husband and I went to the hospital. They decided they wanted to keep us there because the baby needed to be born within the next day.

In the morning, we let my father know what was happening, as he was the one who was going to look after our oldest child during the birth. We wanted our child to be close to both us and the hospital.

We hadn't had a chance to tell anyone else in the family or any friends. I was scared, sad, overwhelmed, and there were so many other things happening that we simply hadn't gotten around to it.

My father then told my siblings that I had gone to the hospital because they were spending the day together. One of my siblings subsequently texted my mother and told her.

Later that day, I sent my mother a picture from the hospital. The only thing she replied was:

“Interesting. Your father told sibling you were in the hospital??”

I explained that yes, he had, because he was the one looking after our oldest child while I was giving birth.

She then asked if she could pick up our oldest child, since it was almost the same days she had originally asked to have our child.

I said no. We wanted our child to stay close to us.

The birth happened, and thankfully everything went well. We had some small issues with the baby not eating properly, so we ended up staying in the hospital.

My husband sent a message to the whole family saying that everything had gone well and included a picture of the baby.

My mother only replied to him with “congratulations.”

Everyone else in the family also wrote to me, seemed interested, asked how I was doing, etc. My mother didn't write to me.

To add some history: when our oldest child was born, I ended up having an emergency C-section. My mother came to the hospital before I had even taken my first steps or had my catheter removed.

This time, I continued sending her pictures of the baby, including pictures of the baby and our oldest child together. Her replies were very short.

Neither her husband nor my youngest sibling, who still lives at home, has written to me or my husband. As of today, neither of them has reached out.

We eventually got home from the hospital, and I continued sending pictures. Still, there was no real interest in me or the baby. Just short responses like “Oh, fine” or “They know what they’re doing.”

Her surgery then happened, and I asked her how it went. She said it went well.

On Thursday, she wrote to ask if we had gotten home yet. I said no, but that we expected to later that day.

She had also ordered a bouquet of flowers for us with a card saying:

“Dear all of you, congratulations on the baby. All the best in the future. From…”

I thanked her for the flowers, and she responded with a thumbs-up.

On Saturday, I wrote to her again. She had been completely silent since Thursday, so I asked that when they were ready to come and visit us, if possible, they could stop by a particular store on the way.

The store isn't anywhere near us, so I realize this may sound random. Honestly, I think I was partly using it as an excuse to try to start a conversation, because she hadn't made any effort to do so herself.

Her response was simply:

“I see.”

I replied, “Never mind, forget about it.”

She then wrote:

“I just had surgery and stepfather is at work.”

And that was it.

Now it’s Monday, and there is still no real interest in me or my baby.

This morning, she did ask me for a password to a streaming service.

Am I the one to blame here?

Ever since our oldest child was born a few years ago, I’ve felt like I’ve somehow been forgotten. I’ve even told my mother this directly.

Her response has always been something along the lines of, “That’s not true. You’re still my child.”

But when I ask whether they want to spend time with me and my child, she says no — she only wants to spend time with the child.

During my pregnancy, she would often text me after dropping off our oldest child and say that she had forgotten to ask how I was doing or how I was feeling.

And I think the part that hurts the most is what happened last year.

She was involved in a horrible accident, and I helped her and the family a lot afterward. We also don't have a relationship with her mother due to my grandmother not being such a nice person, - that's a whole other story for another day.

After the accident, my mother cried to me about how awful it felt that her own mother wouldn't even ask how she was doing. She couldn't understand how someone could treat their own child that way.

And now I feel like she is doing exactly the same thing to me now.

I know I haven't been in an accident. But having a baby, especially one who arrived unexpectedly early, being frightened, spending days in the hospital, and suddenly having your entire life change, is still a huge, life-changing experience for me.

I feel hurt that my own mother doesn't seem interested in how I am doing.

Am I wrong for feeling like I don't want her around me or my family right now?

I know hormones and everything that has happened can make me more sensitive than usual. But my husband says, “She’s always been hot and cold like that” and of course he supports me and agrees with how I’m feeling.

I just don't know whether I'm being unreasonable, or whether this is actually a valid reason to feel hurt and to want some distance from her?

I have had chatgpt help me with cleaning up the text, since I'm crying and not from an American speaking country. Please be gentle...

A new email from JNMIL showed up in DH's spam folder. She's blocked on his phone and I wish that meant we wouldn't get her emails at all, but nope ... they are still arriving in spam.

The latest was clearly a ploy. It read: FYI my friend #1 died at the beginning of May and friend #2 died in June. There's a small, invitation only memorial soon for friend #1 and there's been no announcement made yet about a memorial for Friend #2.

That was it. Suddenly informing us of these deaths 3 and 4 months after they happened, when they are not people who have ever been in our life, is just strange ... especially considering she saw us in July and said nothing about it at a time when she woud have been given sympathy in person from us.

This isn't her sharing any kind of grief with us, this is her saying 'hey, two people around my age are dead so you don't have forever to fix this thing and invite me back into your life, so you better get on it'. This is the first time she's tried to use the old age hook because she's never been one who wants to admit she is old. The only reason she's doing it now is on the off chance it will bring us back into her life. If she spent a fraction of the energy she puts towards conniving her way into a different outcome on simply trying to be a nicer human being in person, she would not be alone in her old age.

At the same time, our youngest son informed us that his Gramma is pestering him over text to come and visit her with his wife. He said he doesn't want to and he's left her on read for quite some time because he feels like she's trying to guilt him into it. She's using the same tactics she did for us in past, begging they drive the three hours for "just a 15 minute visit ... that's all I ask" when it was never just a 15 minute visit and the cost mentally and emotionally was far too high. DH assured our son that he need not comply unless its something he truly wants to do.

My husband and I live about 8 hours away from our parents, which has worked out fantastically for us. For context, we’ve had multiple “issues” with my MIL over the past 7 years we’ve been together.

It first started at the wedding when she tried to insert herself so fiercely that she made my husband cry and go no contact over the holidays. She basically said we hadn’t planned a wedding before and she had so how could we possibly know how to do this on our own? She also purchased her own decorations for the wedding ceremony that she set up on her own and were promptly taken down by my mother.

Since then, the in-laws have come to visit a few times and there has always been a fight. Last year there was a fight at the dinner table at a nice restaurant because she was being outwardly racist and my husband told her so. She refused to speak to anyone the rest of the night. Another time when my husband was visiting her, she confronted him about why we weren’t pregnant yet. Apparently because I wasn’t pregnant yet, she was concerned about my fertility and felt like I needed to go to the doctor to get checked. My husband immediately shut her down and put a verbal and physical boundary of closing his bedroom door. She then proceeded to try to BREAK DOWN THE DOOR to get access to him to continue to talk about my fertility. Plenty more stories. Her MO after these outbursts is literally pretending nothing has happened.

My husband is so good at shutting her down and putting her in her place but still is trying to maintain a relationship with her. I am 4 months pregnant now and I’m dreading their impending visit. I haven’t seen them since Christmas because I’ve been to anxious to be around my MIL. They are staying at a hotel as last time she stayed here she stormed out of the house because my husband told her she couldn’t rearrange our furniture lol.

Help/advice/ additional boundaries with baby incoming? They do know about the spawn.

EDIT: I know the behavior is insane. I have expressed wanting to go no contact my husband isn’t ready. He knows this is basically my last straw and if something goes wrong I will be going no contact and will not be putting our child in any risky situation where that behavior could be observed by a child.

Getting married in November. MIL has been heinous and we’ve kept her on as much of an information diet as possible. Around March she called me a whore and we went no contact for several months, and in the last few months she got into it with fiancé and called him a scumbag so we are no contact again.

They are paying for the rehearsal dinner and we have made it EXTREMELY clear that if it is going to come with strings attached we will pay for it ourselves; they insist on paying but they get no part in planning.

Fiancé’s uncle called him yesterday to say his grandma (who lives with MIL and FIL) needed to speak to him. She had called the uncle earlier to say that MIL had been physically abusing her and she doesn’t want to live with her anymore. Uncle picked her up and grandma is now living with them. Grandma told fiancé MIL has been kicking her, pinching her, would put her hand over her mouth, and pushing her so she’s afraid to fall.

Immediate action: we are figuring out a plan to get Grandma’s documents from MIL’s house (which she is of course withholding, and will likely require a police escort).

I just am totally unsure what to do next after that. Do we call Adult Protective Services (I’m tempted to report it, I don’t want all this swept under the rug).

I want to univinte her from the wedding. If the choice is uncle and grandma or her, I will obviously choose her. I am out of town rn and will talk more with fiancé when I get home but it’s such a mess :(

Hi everyone, so I’ve been living with my in-laws for the past four years and my husband and I just had our first child. I had some issues with her before we had a child and now those issues are growing even more. she has always been passive aggressive and made certain comments (she does this with everyone) but has moments where she makes very kind comments that are selfless however, I’m starti no to think those kind comments are more so to benefit her than anything else. She seems narcissistic & expects everything to go her way and truly cannot stand that I don’t follow her rules- despite it being with stuff that are mind. she expects me to clean the way she does do my laundry the way she does, but the thing is I am extremely type a she is extremely type b but she thinks she’s type a. She continuously make passive aggressive comments for example, the other day I woke up earlier with my baby and while she was asleep, I took out everything from the fridge and cleaned it and re-organized it and later on that day when she looked at the fridge. She made a comment saying I don’t know why she thinks she organizes better. She pretty much half asses everything that she does, but she believes that she goes above and beyond. I wanna confront her when she makes these comments, but I’m not sure if I should do that because at the end of the day I’m in her home but I feel like I’m being taking advantage of it. It’s like she expects me to do everything but her way.
I will add some of the passive aggressive comments she has made through our marriage below just to for people a few to get a glimpse of the type of things that she says to me:

“(Husband name) had a chance with an engineer, a doctor, a nurse, but said he got you (starts laughing). But that’s OK that’s fate.”

Few years ago her sister was here for Thanksgiving, and the ladies and I were in a room and she mentioned a past woman that she wanted to hook up my husband with, but she made it seem that he was obsessed with her. And she basically just had a 20 minute conversation with us about how amazing she was my sister-in-law tried to shut it down, but she just kept going later on that day as I was cleaning up after we ate she mentioned her name and said no she was amazing and looked at me and just gave me a face.

I bought a bottle washer for my daughter, so I wouldn’t have to deal with sanitizing disinfecting it and cleaning it just to make my life easier, especially when I go back to work. There’s a feature where it has something to take out the moisture, but it stays on for a long time she continuously shuts the power off the machine because she can’t stand the noise.

She washes all of her clothes on normal cycle whereas depending on what I wash, I changed the cycle because there’s a reason there’s different cycles in the machine. But she continuously makes comments on why I’m doing it this way. It’s been four years move on. I’m clearly not going to listen to you. Let me do my laundry how I want to do my laundry.

She thinks my cleaning is extreme. I like to be clean. I don’t even do the extreme stuff I wanna do.

When I was not on maternity leave and when I was on maternity leave, she would wait for me to come home for work to start on the dinner yet she’s home every single day and did not want to make any meals on her own. She would even wait to unload the dishwasher until I came home to help her. She basically can’t do anything on her own. She literally one day needed help making pasta. How do you need help boiling water???

My cousins came over our house to after I had my daughter out of respect for me and my mother-in-law to see her and me and the baby. the next day I went to my mom’s house and she made the comment. I don’t know why they came over last night when they could’ve just gone over your mom’s house instead. They came out of respect for you and me to congratulate us on having the baby??

My husband and her a few months ago got into a huge argument regarding painting our daughter’s nursery over something very small that he bought for paint. After that argument ended the next day she came up to me and she said things that she tells me and things that she tells my husband we shouldn’t tell each other. I thought that was a very weird comment cause that just seems like she’s gonna try to control the narrative if we don’t tell each other what she said me and my husband tell each other everything.

There’s been more comments she says she really on a daily basis. My husband is getting very annoyed because he’s basically the scapegoat of the family. He’s the only one that puts her in place and I think she can’t stand neither of us because we’re the only ones that do not listen to her.

So basically, my dilemma is one living with them, which my husband and I are talking about moving out especially because now we have her daughter and it’s just clearly gonna get worse. And two, when she does make these passive aggressive comments, I don’t know if I should confront her with it or not. I feel like if I say something she’ll have something to use against me versus if I were to just not say anything and continued to ignore her. She can’t basically say, I said so-and-so.

How would you handle this situation (other than moving out which we are talking about). Also, I should mention that she has told me and my husband if we want her own place she and her husband would help us help financially as she has helped out her other two daughters in regards to that situation however, I feel like if we were to take up that help she would kind of use it against us so I’m not sure if I should take advantage of it or we just go to an apartment and figure it out on our own

I know this doesn’t “matter”, because I can’t control what people spend their money on, but I think this is so bizarre…..

Baby goes to mil’s house once maybe every 6 weeks, always with husband and I for dinner or to hangout for a couple hours. My baby has stayed at her house alone one single time for one hour. My mil has an entire nursery set up and bought every baby item imaginable when I was pregnant. I’m taking crib, mobile, 2 strollers, high chair, car seat, monogrammed baby blankets with my daughter’s name, multiple diaper caddies around the house, bouncer, swing, walker, bibs, diapers, bath stuff, and a bunch of toys and books. There are also probably 30 framed pictures of my baby around their house and a couple gallery walls of her. At first I felt bad seeing how much money she spent (I never asked her to buy anything- I actually encouraged her not to) bc I knew baby wouldn’t be there much and I thought she would stop buying stuff after she realized that.

We go over there a few nights ago and she’s bought the next round of toys and developmental things! My jaw was actually on the floor…. Another few hundred dollars just down the drain. They also have NO money. I’m just so confused why she keeps buying stuff when my kid literally never goes over there??? We’ve had issues with her trying to play mom and many other issues which we are actively setting boundaries on, snd it’s not like she does our child’s childcare or anything. I don’t trust her alone with my baby so she won’t be staying over there at least until she can talk. I’m just confused. Is she trying to make me feel bad to get my kid over there more? Won’t happen. Is she trying to play mom and have a do over?

My fiancé’s mum has decided that I am apparently the reason her son does not want much contact with her.
The funny part is I have literally never stopped him from seeing or speaking to her. Ever. If anything, in the past I was the one encouraging him to visit her because he has always been quite distant with her himself.
I used to make an effort with her too. I would visit, have coffee with her, take her shopping and help her with things. Meanwhile, she has only been to our house once, when we moved in two years ago. They never visit us.

Over time I stopped making as much effort because there were constant boundary issues and drama, but I have never told my fiancé that he cannot see his own mother.
Recently things blew up again and I stopped engaging with her completely. She then started contacting my fiancé about me.
She messaged him:
“My patience is gone, calm X down.”
Then later:
“I will never forgive that bitch for turning you against us. Because of her you got into debt as well. All she needs is a pole, tell the cow to sort the house out.”
The debt comment is especially ridiculous because the debt she is referring to came from him buying a car that was out of his price range and then the car breaking down. Somehow that is apparently my fault too.
The pole comment is about my pole dancing equipment.
She has also called him crying about me and told him that he should leave me.
My fiancé has now blocked her on Facebook. I did not ask him to do that. I did not tell him to stop speaking to her. That was entirely his own decision.
At this point I just ignore her because I cannot deal with any more drama but she just won’t leave me alone. Every time I set a boundary, she oversteps it, and when I call it out I somehow become the bad guy.
She is also the kind of person who does not really listen when you speak. She just waits for you to stop talking so she can start speaking over you, so trying to explain anything to her feels completely pointless.

The latest drama before all of this was about buying a house. She decided that when we got back from our trip, she was going to take me to an agency to see how much of a mortgage I could get. Not her son, me.
I told her we are not looking to buy a house until we are married and that we are happy renting for now. She did not take that well at all and kept pushing the issue instead of just accepting our decision.
She also seems weirdly obsessed with her son sometimes. One time she even asked me if he was good in bed, which honestly made me question what kind of boundaries she thinks are normal.
This is what drives me insane. She seems completely unable to accept that her adult son has his own opinions about her. If he is distant, it has to be because I “turned him against her”. If he gets angry with her, it has to be because of me. Apparently he cannot possibly make his own decisions.
I honestly feel like I have become the convenient villain so she never has to look at her own relationship with her son.

Has anyone else dealt with a MIL who blamed them for a relationship with her adult child that was already strained long before you came along? How did you handle it?

My wife and I have been living together for a while now, and overall, we're very happy. The issue I'm struggling with is her relationship with her mother — and, increasingly, my own relationship with her.

My wife has always had a very complicated relationship with her mother. From what she has told me over the years, her mother has caused her a lot of emotional distress and has often relied on her far more than she should have. My wife ended up taking on responsibilities that weren't really hers, both financially and emotionally. She spent years putting her own life on hold because she felt that other people depended on her.

Eventually, she decided to leave home and build her own life. This was something she had wanted for years, long before our relationship. Our relationship simply gave her a concrete future she wanted to fight for.

Because I love my wife, it's difficult for me to hear all of this and then look at her mother as if none of it happened. I'm obviously not a neutral observer. A lot of my opinion of my mother-in-law comes from what my wife has told me about her past.

At the same time, my mother-in-law has always treated me somewhat strangely. She seems to pay me a disproportionate amount of attention compared with everyone else. She will sometimes go out of her way to cook something when I'm visiting, even when she complains about cooking for her own children. After my wife and I moved out, she offered to cook for us and even wash our clothes, despite complaining about those exact things in her own household.

I've never really liked being treated this way. It feels excessive, and sometimes I've wondered what exactly is behind it. My wife's brother has also noticed that her mother seems to get irritated when I give my attention to someone else instead of her.

Recently, something happened that made all of this much more difficult for me.

About ten days ago, we were at my wife's grandfather's birthday. At one point, I was alone with my mother-in-law, and I felt that she spoke to me in a very harsh and condescending way. I didn't argue with her. Normally, if someone treats me that way, I defend myself immediately, but because she is my wife's mother, I deliberately chose not to escalate things.

A few days later, she invited us to lunch.

At first, I was willing to go. My idea was to go with my wife, stay for a while, and then go to my parents' house. Later, I would come back and pick my wife up.

But I decided to be honest with my wife and told her that, after what had happened ten days earlier, I didn't feel comfortable going to her mother's house that day.

My wife became very upset. Not angry at me — genuinely sad about the situation.

She actually agreed with me that her mother's behavior had been inappropriate and said it was very characteristic of her mother. She even told me that she preferred that I didn't go because she didn't want me sitting there feeling uncomfortable or spending the entire lunch worrying about whether I was okay.

But as we talked about it, things became much more emotional.

My wife told me that she sometimes feels that I indirectly hold her responsible for what her mother does. She also suggested that perhaps I had interpreted her mother's behavior incorrectly, or that I might be reacting partly because I'm used to receiving a lot of attention from her mother and resented not being the center of attention.

I understand that I may not be completely objective. Maybe my perception was influenced by everything I've heard about her mother. But I also don't think my subjective experience can simply be dismissed. I felt uncomfortable. I felt disrespected. And I don't think I'm obligated to keep exposing myself to someone just because she's my wife's mother.

This is where I'm confused.

I don't want to isolate my wife from her family. Quite the opposite. If she wants to spend the entire day at her mother's house, she should be free to do that. I have no problem with her seeing her mother.

I just don't necessarily want to spend six or eight hours there myself.

My ideal arrangement would actually be pretty simple: if my wife wants to visit her mother, I go with her for a while, then I go visit my own parents, and later I come back to pick her up. She doesn't have to come with me. Just as I don't have to stay with her.

I don't think marriage means that we have to accompany each other to every family visit.

The problem is that my wife sometimes seems to interpret my unwillingness to go as something much bigger — almost as if I'm saying that I'll never go to her mother's house again, or that I don't want her to have a relationship with her mother.

That's not what I'm saying.

I can be polite. I can be respectful. I can attend family events. I can make an effort sometimes.

But I don't think I can force myself to develop affection or closeness with someone when I already have a very negative view of some of the things she has done, both because of my own experiences and because of everything my wife has told me.

And this is the part I'm struggling with the most:

My wife herself rarely makes a point of seeing her mother. She usually prefers to keep some distance. Her brother does much the same.

So, honestly, why should I be expected to naturally want a close relationship with this person?

At the same time, I don't want to turn my wife's family situation into a permanent conflict inside our marriage. I don't want to make her choose sides, and I don't want to become some kind of mediator between her and her mother.

I'm trying to understand where the reasonable boundary is.

Am I being unfair by maintaining some distance from my mother-in-law?

Or is it perfectly reasonable to say:

"I respect that she's your mother, and I respect your relationship with her. But I don't have to have the same relationship with her. I can be cordial and respectful without wanting closeness."

I'm especially interested in hearing from people who have dealt with difficult in-law or family dynamics themselves.